


Sunshine State of Mind

by sunmino



Category: South Club (Band), Winner (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, don't let the character death fool you, it's more of an afterlife au, still full of angst though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunmino/pseuds/sunmino
Summary: Error! Memories not included. Do you still want to proceed?





	1. Part 1: Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what the reception for this will be but I intended (and gained inspiration) to write this based on some aspects related to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (hence the title) but since I had previously worked on a fic about death and the afterlife I decided to experiment with those concepts and this is the result.This was originally meant to be a very long oneshot but I decided to split the story into 5 parts to let it breathe instead of thrusting all that on you. 
> 
> As a warning, there will be mentions of death and an attempted suicide but i'll put up warnings to let you all know in case you need it. 
> 
> Lastly, I promise you despite the dark themes related, there is a good balance of fluff and angst to outweigh the heaviness of this story. 

Everything is all white. Or at least it begins that way.

 

Minho isn’t certain if his eyes are open or closed but sensation comes first. He can feel it with the wet sand underneath his body and the small waves that brush coolly up against his sides.

 

Slowly as he lifts himself up on his elbows, he feels the spread of a comforting warmth travel its way up his body. Wrapping all around him and sending tingles throughout till the urge to breathe comes out in one big gasp.

 

Minho falters momentarily and lands face down in the wet sand again, bringing a hand up to grip at his chest as his heart beats erratically. He takes in a lungful of air, feeling as if he hasn’t been able to breathe properly till now. As his breathing begins to regulate, Minho’s vision clears as well. His mind, though sluggish, is able to process that he is laying on the shoreline of a beach in what appears like the early morning.

 

Odd, he thinks as he pulls himself up in a sitting position. He can’t recall how he got here but despite his wet attire, the ocean is beautiful to look at. Though, Minho notes as he looks around, there looks to be no one else in sight. He doesn’t let that bother him too much and instead stands to find a shady area to dry off.

 

Settling down at on the steps of a wooden stairway, Minho focuses back on the view in front of him. Watching as waves come and go from the shore and letting the light breeze cool him off. All of it bringing a sense of contentment and peace within him. It’s rather calming.

 

In fact, everything about the scenery feels too calming, it’s both comforting and suffocating. Like somehow Minho is supposed to understand something bigger than the picture itself but he just hasn’t grasped it yet. His mind feels like it’s working in slow-motion as he sits there, trying his best to gain a better sense of awareness.

 

The sound of feet shuffling nearby eventually gains his attention. Tilting his head to the side, Minho spots a slim figure dressed in an oversized grey hoodie and loose blue jeans walking around aimlessly.

 

Straining his eyes to see better, Minho can see the other looks to be in his early twenties. Dark brown, wavy hair frames his creamy face as the male observes his surroundings, similarly reminding Minho of himself when he first arrived here, even down to his bare feet.

 

Which...when exactly was that? Minho wants to believe it’s only been less than an hour or so yet his clothes are no longer soaked and his body feels a little stiff when he angles his body to face the direction of the other male properly.

 

“Are you lost?” He calls out, watching as the other whips around to where he is. For a brief moment Minho sees relief flicker on the other’s face but it’s gone just as quickly as it appeared.

 

“Not really?” The male answers unsurely, face squinting up in confusion, or it could be due to the sun, Minho isn’t sure.

 

He has to do his best to not laugh at the other’s expression and how it reminds him of a bunny, especially with those droopy eyebrows. Rising from where he’s sitting, he brushes off the remaining sand on him and walks to close the distance between them. “Well, I’m Minho.”

 

“Taehyun.” The male replies, taking Minho’s outstretched hand and offering a small smile.

 

 _Taehyun_. A name Minho is sure he’s not familiar with yet has a certain ring to it as he repeats it back in his head.

 

Just then Taehyun lets out a nervous laugh and when Minho looks at him in question he gestures to their shaking hands. “You’re still...”

 

“Oh!” Minho lets go immediately, an embarrassed chuckle slipping out as he scratches his cheek and apologizes. “Sorry about that.”

 

“It’s okay,” Taehyun laughs again, sounding more amused than anything now and pushes back a couple locks behind his ear.

 

Minho should be relief but he can feel his face warming up and distractedly points to a mark on Taehyun’s thumb. “That’s uh, that’s a unique mole you got there.”

 

Taehyun stares at Minho for a moment, their gazes holding a minute longer before Taehyun looks down at his hand. “Thanks? I kind of have a love-hate thing for it.” He says with a shrug, lips quirking to the side in a shy manner.

 

“I think it’s cute.” Minho blurts out and quickly covers his mouth as he realizes he said that out loud.

 

He casts a look at Taehyun but the only response the other gives him is a soft laugh, not seeming to mind his little slip.

 

“Thank you.” Taehyun gives him another smile, this time fuller, and Minho finds his heart stuttering a bit.

 

They lapse into silence after that, both staring out into the ocean. Any other time it could be seen as awkward but there’s a sense of ease in the air between them. Almost as if they’re familiar with each other...

 

Minho chases that thought away and turns to speak to Taehyun. “Hey, do you know where we are exactly?”

 

Taehyun shakes his head. “No clue,” he pauses and then adds, “but no matter where else I go, I always end up back here.”

 

A look of puzzlement crosses Minho’s face as he stares back up at Taehyun. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well...I’m not sure if this makes sense and I can’t exactly pick a timeframe but,” Taehyun bends down to grab a nearby twig and digs into the sand as explains. “This place is the first that comes to mind, and the only thing I can feel when I’m here is...peace?”

 

He turns to look at Minho. “Like normally if you find yourself alone on a beach you’d feel some form of panic or even afraid, right?”

 

Minho nods at his question, not sure what to make of the similarity of their situation but he feels like his mind is finally catching up to him. He peers down at himself, taking in his appearance for the first time and feels something cold and dense form in his chest.

 

“Hey Taehyun...”

 

Not seeming to hear him, Taehyun goes on, “But this place, I don’t know, just feels like there is a deeper meaning to it...” he trails off as the twig snaps in half, almost as if signaling his own conclusion.

 

“Taehyun,” Minho tries again, this time getting his attention but it’s only for a moment as Taehyun’s gaze shifts up to the sky. Minho follows suit and notices dark clouds approaching in the distance. Huh, it had been sunny just a minute ago... He looks back to Taehyun and sees the other shaking slightly, hands fisting together by his sides. “You don’t like the rain?”

 

Taehyun blinks, meeting Minho’s concerned face and slowly nods. “...for some reason,” he bites his lip and wraps his arms around himself.

 

Minho goes to say something about that but doesn’t get to when another voice suddenly speaks up.

 

“There you two are!”

 

Both turn at the sound and watch as a thin male with fading blue hear hurriedly makes his way over to them.

 

When the stranger reaches them, he lets out a relief sigh and smiles pleasingly to himself despite looking out of breath. “I never knew how much running in sand could be tiring.”

 

Minho and Taehyun exchange a look with each other, their faces clearly showing they have no clue who this guy is.

 

“I’m sorry...but do we know you?” Minho asks, brows furrowing together.

 

“Oh, heavens no!”

 

Taehyun jumps forward in surprise by the sound of another voice coming from behind him. Almost falling on his face if not for Minho instinctively placing a steady hand on him.

 

They direct their attention to a shorter male with a head of light brown curls and doe-shape eyes. He laughs while clapping his hands, clearly enjoying their reactions and moves to stand beside his blue-haired companion.

 

“But boy, do we know _you_.” He says with a wink and wraps his arm around the other.

 

The blue-haired male rolls his eyes, trying to nudge him off. “You just had to go and make an entrance, huh? Now you got them all freaked out and staring at us like some weirdos!”

 

“Lighten up, would ya? I was just having fun!” The shorter snorts and then looks back at the confused faces of Minho and Taehyun. “As for who we are, you can call me Jinwoo.”

 

“Seungyoon,” the blue-haired male answers simply, pointing at himself with his thumb.

 

“Okay...” is all Taehyun and Minho can say back. Finding no point in giving their names if the two strangers in front of them claim to already know them.

 

“You guys are probably wondering what’s going on right?” They nod. Seungyoon sighs and beckons them with his hand. “Don’t worry, just follow us and it’ll all be explained.”

 

He begins walking again and the two hesitate for a moment before Jinwoo grabs their hands and moves forward.

 

“Come on you two!”

 

The next moment they are no longer at the beach and instead are in some type of waiting room of an office. Jinwoo plops down on one of the many seats while Seungyoon chooses one two seats down, seemingly unbothered by what just happened.

 

A complete contrast to Minho and Taehyun who can only take a look around their new surroundings: plain white walls and a wooden floor that feels cold against their bare feet.

 

There is another door not too far from them that’s closed and randomly has a picture of an Italian greyhound on it with a pink cap on its head. Aside from that small bit, the whole place is empty save for the rows of seats lined in the center.

 

Taking seats opposite of the strange pair, Minho spares them another look only to lock eyes with Jinwoo. A chill runs down his spine when he realizes the other has been staring at him but it takes Minho a moment later to recognize the soft, concerned expression on Jinwoo’s face.

 

Minho wants to ask the reason for giving him such a look but the door suddenly opens and out steps a tall, lean male in a white doctor’s coat.

 

“Ah Jinwoo, Seungyoon. I see you were able to find them after all!” He cheerfully greets the others and then nods to Minho and Taehyun in acknowledgement. “Hello there, I’m Seunghoon.”

 

“Yeah, no thanks to me. Jinwoo kept wandering around.” Seungyoon replies, brushing off some imaginary dust from his shirt. “I knew that was the first place we should have looked.”

 

“Excuse me for wanting them to have some—”

 

“Why don’t we start with Minho, please step inside!” Seunghoon interrupts coolly with a professional smile directed at Minho.

 

Jinwoo pouts at being cut off but doesn’t say anything, he does however punch Seungyoon on the arm as he laughs at him.

 

“O-Okay,” Minho stands despite his better judgement telling him not to.

 

He only manages to take one step forward before feeling a tug on his arm. Turning around, he sees Taehyun holding onto the bottom of his shirt.

  

“B-Be careful.” Taehyun stutters out, cheeks slightly reddening as he averts his gaze.

 

Somehow Minho feels his nerves lessen a bit and takes a hold of Taehyun’s hand without much thought, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I will. See you soon.”

 

He then releases his hand and walks to where Seunghoon is and follows him into the room. Once inside, Seunghoon signals for Minho to take the seat in front of his desk as he closes the door behind him.

 

Minho observes the new room, filled with file cabinets and folders stacked up high. The desk is messily covered with papers but there is a clear spot for the computer. He sees more pictures of the dog hanging on the painted blue walls and a lot of personal belongings scattered throughout as well.

 

 _Such a difference from the blandness of the room outside_ , Minho muses.

 

“Alright. Minho, how are we today?” Seunghoon casually asks as he sits down.

 

Minho frowns confusedly at the question and shrugs. “Not too good?”

 

“That’s understandable.” Seunghoon laughs with a nod and takes out a pen and notepad. “So, before we begin, what can you tell me?”

 

“Tell you?”

 

“Yeah, like any memories or last thoughts you can recall?”

 

“Um, well I really can’t remember much to be honest.” Minho begins, rubbing at his forehead. “But I know for a fact that I wasn’t this young.”

 

Seunghoon hums and writes something down. “I see, so you’re aware that you were much older than how you are right now?”

 

“Yes.” Minho pauses and then asks, “I’m sorry, but do you happen to have a mirror around here? I’d like to… well see for myself if that’s alright.”

 

“No problem, here.” Seunghoon digs around his cluttered desk and gives him a small hand-held mirror.

 

Minho raises the mirror up and takes in his reflection. Staring back at him is not a graying man in his late sixties with crow’s feet or worry lines, but his twenty-year old self with full cheeks, messy black hair, and smooth, tan skin.

 

Lowering the mirror to his lap, Minho closes his eyes momentarily. Letting it sink in as his suspicions are confirmed and what it means, what this all means. Opening them again, he looks at Seunghoon and examines in his surroundings once more. The whole place looked so normal but it couldn’t be. This was either one big hoax or a very bad dream.

 

He clears his throat and cautiously asks, “Are you...death?”

 

“Me? Oh, jeez no that doesn’t really sound all that pleasing of a job to do.” Seunghoon answers and sheds any fear Minho may have had about him as he continues. “I much prefer my work here than what Reapers do.”

 

“And what exactly is your, uh job?”

 

“I basically help souls settle in, a guide if you will. Y’know, make sure to keep the balance of space and time.” Waving his hands dismissively as he speaks.

 

“Why the doctor getup then?”

 

Seunghoon lets out an annoyed huff, “I like the look, okay? Makes me be taken more seriously. Got a problem with that?” He raises a brow questioningly at the other.

 

“Nope. No problem here.” Minho says sincerely but his lips twitch with a ghost of a smile.

 

“It also helps with keeping the normalcy of the place.” Seunghoon adds. “I mean, talking to an incredibly dashing doctor makes things a lot easier, right?”

 

“I guess,” Minho shrugs, grinning lightly at Seunghoon. “So then...is this uh,” he points up and then down.

 

Seunghoon looks at him questioningly before getting what he means. “Let’s just say you’re in a state of limbo right now.”

 

“Is that bad?”

 

“Not really, it’s mostly just a lot of open space...and quietness. Not my thing but it seems to be the most effective way to not freak people out as much when they arrive here.”

 

“Yeah, I got that.” Minho recalls how calming the beach scenery was when he first arrived here.

 

“But don’t worry, from our records it seems as if you’ve never done anything we would consider very bad.”

 

“Then why am I here?”

 

“Hmm,” Seunghoon turns to his computer and types in a few keys before a whole list of things pop up. He looks at the information on his computer, scrolling down as he skims through Minho’s file.

 

Minho tries to lean over and take a peek at what’s on there but Seunghoon slaps his hand without looking away from the screen.

 

“Ah! It seems that you and your soulmate have some issues that need to be resolved.”

 

“My soulmate?” Minho questions, completely baffled. “Those actually exist?”

 

“Yes. You eventually meet them at one point or another through your lifetime. Sometimes you’re nothing more than friends, other times lovers, even acquaintances or a one-time encounter. No matter what you will meet them.” Seunghoon explains with a smile.

 

Minho tries to think back to when he was alive and who might have been his soulmate but all he is getting is a grainy image and a painful headache. “Why can’t I see them?”

 

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Seunghoon types in a few keys and an error appears on his screen. He clicks his tongue in annoyance when he reads the short message. “I should have known you had _that_ done.”

 

He grumbles something under his breath that Minho can’t quite hear but it sounds like “this really screws things up.”

 

“ _That_? What do you mean by ‘that’?” Minho says worryingly. Not liking the way Seunghoon looked or sounded.

 

Seunghoon sighs and turns the monitor around to show Minho a medical record for some treatment he apparently did. The company name reads _Sunshine Cleaning!_

 

Minho reads through the summary provided and only feels his confusion double. He doesn’t understand why he would need to get his memory wiped, but apparently the company specializes in doing that for people wanting to forget really painful experiences or bad relationships.

 

“The one requested to be erased from your memory was a Nam Taehyun.” Seunghoon reads from a thick folder that seemingly popped out of nowhere.

 

Minho feels his entire body freeze over after Seunghoon says that. Taehyun? It couldn’t be his Taehyun, the one he met here right? It just had to be a coincidence. Wait, why did he just call Taehyun _his_?!

 

“You two were together for, wow ten years. Engaged, planned to get married that same year and were already looking into adoption agencies.” Seunghoon notes.

 

His next words, however, seem to come out slower in Minho’s ears.

 

“Unfortunately, he died in an accident. It devastated you to the point you tried to drown yourself after overdosing on pills but your sister saved you just in time. Your family decided the best thing for you was to wipe all traces of Taehyun from your memory.”

 

Minho has no words, only a strange sort of pain in the center of his chest, like something was growing there and pushing his lungs and heart away.

 

Seunghoon, either ignoring or oblivious to Minho’s current state of shock, passes him a couple of photos and a small yellow card that reads:

 

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Song:

 

 **Song Minho** has had **Nam Taehyun** erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him ever again.

 

Thank you.

 

Minho stares at the card incredulously. The way in which it’s written would seem like erasing a decade of a person from your mind isn’t a big deal. It doesn’t sit well with him and he sets it down on the desk before looking through the photos Seunghoon provided him with.

 

His vision blurs a bit when he sees that the Taehyun in the photos is indeed the same one sitting outside, except he’s pressed against Minho’s side and looking every bit like he belongs there.

 

In some he’s smiling or looks to be laughing, others making the funniest faces that brings a choked laugh out of Minho. Then there are two photos that make the weight forming in his chest grow heavier.

 

One is Taehyun looking at Minho with so much love while Minho’s eyes are closed, a big goofy grin plastered on his face with a little heart doodled on his cheek. The other photo is Taehyun winking and puckering his lips as Minho stares at him with the softest smile, his cheek doodled with a little heart as well.

 

As he moves to the last photo, he accidentally drops it and goes to pick it up but pauses when he sees a message scrawled on the back.

 

_Let’s always stay like this - Taehyun_

 

Minho’s hands are shaky as he grabs the photo and flips it over.

 

For a moment he’s confused at the wet drop that lands on the photo but it only takes him a second to realize he’s crying as he stares at a blurry polaroid of them kissing in bed. It’s shot from a high angle, most likely from one of them raising the camera, with Taehyun cupping his cheek and smiling as they kiss. Looking completely happy and carefree.

 

And in love, so in love.

 

Minho’s heart pounds painfully against his ribcage, and confusion squeezes his veins and sloshes about in his mind. He has no memory of ever sharing his life with Taehyun and yet he can _feel_ the love between them just from these photos.

 

He’s quiet for a while. Seunghoon lets him be, letting the silence curve around his own throat. The only sounds heard are from Minho sniffling as tears pool in his eyes. He lightly traces over Taehyun’s features, wishing so badly that he could remember.

 

“Please,” Minho croaks out at last, voice strained and drowning. “I have to know what happened.” He runs his fingers over his red, swelling cheeks and across his eyes, exhaling unevenly even as he tries to regulate the rhythm of his heart.

 

“Are you sure? There is more to this than you think.”

 

Minho looks back towards the door, knowing outside is not just someone who is his soulmate. No, outside is the person he loved. The person he forgot. The person he needs to remember.

 

Facing Seunghoon again, Minho bites down on his lip, drawing a strained breath through his nose before giving a firm “Yes.”

 

Seunghoon regards him for a moment and then nods. “Then we’ll have to start from your last life.” He snaps his fingers and the room shifts all around them.

 

No longer are they in Seunghoon’s office and instead in a small well-lit room with a wooden table and two chairs opposite of each other, a thick leather-bound book in the center of it.

 

The two approach the table and Seunghoon motions for Minho to sit. “This is a book with an account of every single life you have lived. You have probably lived thousands of times. In different bodies, time periods, locations. And they’re all written down in that book. Everything from the dawn of man to the life you lived before you came here.”

 

Taking in Minho’s expression, he adds, “Yeah it’s crazy but it’s all true. Flip to the last page, it’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

 

Minho nods, heart hammering in his chest as he flips the book to the back.

 

“Before you read it,” Seunghoon warns and Minho looks up at him. “There’s something you should probably know.”


	2. Part 2: Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is recounting memories from Minho’s perspective and as a precaution does mention death and an attempted suicide. So please read at your own risk. As an additional note: italicization = flashbacks

_They met at the beach._

 

_It was a memory Minho held dear to his heart because he will never forget the moment Taehyun came into his life._

 

_Like a splatter of paint to a white canvas. Completely unexpected but leaves you with a strong impression._

 

_That was definitely Nam Taehyun._

 

☼

 

_He was 19 at the time and celebrating the end of his first year in uni with a close group of friends at the beach. All of them more than a little proud of themselves for not doing terribly bad and happy they wouldn’t have to deal with being stuck in a classroom for a while._

 

_Sometime after they already settled on a decent spot and had a campfire going, Minho wanders around the area with his camera to take some shots. Ignoring his friends calls and shouts to return back to them and cut loose._

 

_He hardly gets to visit the beach despite how close they are to it and would rather take in the scenery while there is still light available than be drunk off his ass like the others were already doing._

 

_After he‘s got his full and is satisfied with the shots he got, Minho sits on the steps of a nearby beach house to review what he’s captured. Skimming through but not finding any he’d like to sketch at the moment._

 

_A little disappointed, Minho scans around him and decides to just sketch the line of beach houses beside him. It can serve for good practice, he supposes._

 

_Placing his camera securely back into his bag, he pulls out a small notebook and ink pen from the larger pocket. As he looks back and forth a couple of times to get the details while he sketches, his attention is eventually taken from him when he spots another person not too far out who’s looking at the ocean._

 

_It wouldn’t have really mattered to Minho except their wearing a reddish yellow hoodie that stands out against all the blues, greens, and beige. The color reminds Minho of marigolds and compliments the male’s blonde hair, almost like a halo with the way it glows in the sunlight._

 

_With the other preoccupied, Minho’s hand moves quickly to start tracing them instead. Noting how the hoodie looks comfy as it hugs the male’s frame and bunches up around his waist. And while he couldn’t have been any taller than Minho, his legs look slim in those faded cuffed jeans._

 

_Minho thinks he shouldn’t be finding the back view of a stranger so attractive and doesn’t notice his hand has stopped moving nor register that someone is sitting next to him until he hears a throat clearing. Turning to the left of him, soft but handsome features greet Minho and he feels his heart quicken. If he thought the back of the stranger was attractive, well the front is on a whole other level._

 

_The blonde’s tousled hair looks more fluffy up close while his sharp eyes stare at him intently just before he speaks._

 

_“Hi.”_

 

_Minho isn’t expecting that the voice coming out of those cupid-shaped lips would be deep but also smooth sounding._

 

_“Hey,” he replies with a nod, not sure how else to respond._

 

_“I’m Taehyun. Nam Taehyun,” the blonde extends his hand for Minho to shake with a timid smile._

 

_“Song Minho.” He answers, taking Taehyun’s hand and feeling the unexpected softness of it before letting go._

 

_“I noticed you sitting here alone and thought I could join you, if you don’t mind?”_

 

_“Oh,” Minho raises a brow at the odd request (Taehyun was already seated beside him) but nonetheless agrees. “Yeah that’s fine.”_

 

_Taehyun’s smile grows and he laughs a little breathlessly. “Sorry. Usually my social skills aren’t this horrible when it comes to these things but when I saw you I was so nervous I almost didn’t wanna talk to you.”_

 

_“Me? Why?” Minho blinks in disbelief. He isn’t sure if ‘nervous’ is the right word Taehyun should be using when he looked fine approaching him just now._

 

_“You’re kind of scary looking,” Taehyun confesses and taps his knees. “But I thought, ‘okay he’s friends with those people so he can’t be any less threatening than he looks.’”_

 

_Minho stares at Taehyun momentarily, watching how he plays with the ripped strings on his knee, and let’s out an amused chuckle. “Was it the eyes?”_

 

_Taehyun nods with a sheepish smile, though relaxing at Minho’s reaction, “Yeah. You looked so serious, like a soldier! I wasn’t sure how’d you react with me randomly coming up to you.”_

 

_“You’re good. I always get told from others that I  look intimidating when I’m all focused.” Offering a friendlier smile that makes Taehyun’s own widen._

 

_“Thanks for understanding and saving me from explaining myself,” Taehyun says gratefully._

 

_“So I’m assuming you didn’t come here on your own?” Minho asks after a beat._

 

_“You assume correct.” Taehyun agrees and looks back to where the group can be heard singing drunkenly. “Ilhoon dragged me here. Said I needed some ‘fun in the sun.’ His words not mine.”_

 

_Minho recalls seeing said male earlier, though he guesses he must have not seen Taehyun. Looking back to Taehyun, he almost drops his forgotten notebook and pen when he sees the other looking at him curiously._

 

_“What were you sketching there?”_

 

_“Just some of the beach houses here...”_

 

_“Oh, is that person me?” Taehyun leans closer to get a better look at the lone figure standing by the shore, outfit similar to the one he’s wearing._

 

_“Yeah,” Minho swallows at the close proximity between them, trying not get lost in how absolutely otherworldly this guy looks. “I did it kind of fast so sorry if it looks sloppy.”_

 

_“Are you kidding me?” Taehyun’s brows droop as he frowns and Minho feels his lips twitch at the sight. “You mean to tell me this is sloppy? You got the details perfectly and it’s just my backside!”_

 

_Minho ends up laughing anyway and Taehyun doesn’t seem to mind at all and even laughs with him. Their eyes meet and both share a smile before dropping the gaze, faces warming up._

 

_“Thank you,” Minho says as he clears his throat. “That color looks really nice on you by the way.”_

 

_Taehyun turns to look at him again. “Which? The hoodie or my hair?”_

 

_“Both.” Minho admits, not missing the way Taehyun looks pleased hearing that._

 

_Taehyun smiles and tucks a lock of his blonde hair behind his ear. “Thanks. I have a tendency to change my hair. Or well anything really. Kind of an impulsive thing.”_

 

_‘I can tell’ is at the tip of Minho’s tongue but Taehyun speaks up again._

 

_“Do you draw as a hobby or are you in school for it? Cause you’re really good.”_

 

_“For things like this it’s more like a hobby,” Minho adjusts his notebook and flips to pages filled with designs of buildings. “I actually am studying to be an architect.”_

 

_Taehyun examines Minho’s work, admiring the details he’s added to every design. He’s not sure how the logistics go but he can tell Minho put in a lot of effort, even down to the shading with both ink and marker._

 

_Shamelessly he thinks Minho himself is a work of art and hopes his face isn’t as red as he feels when he looks back to him. “And how’s that going for you?”_

 

_“Pretty good. I start an internship next month so that’ll be valuable experience since they like my work. School-wise? It could be better.”_

 

_“Why’s that?”_

 

_“The math.” Minho says with a groan. “I really hadn’t thought about how much was included and it’s definitely not my forte but I’m managing...I hope.”_

 

_“Hmm,” Taehyun muses, eyes glinting playfully. “Then you must find it a huge relief right now, huh?”_

 

_“No kidding.” Minho laughs lightly and then asks, “What about you? In school or got any hobbies?”_

 

_“I start this fall, and as for hobbies...a little of everything? I like trying new things and if I’m good and like it, I’ll keep at it.”_

 

_“And what are you currently interested in?” Although it‘s asked innocently, Minho catches the way Taehyun eyes him up and down appreciatively._

 

_Taehyun suddenly stands and pats his pants down as he talks. “Come on, let’s get a beer and walk down the coastline. Get to know each other better, y’know?”_

 

_Minho looks up at Taehyun and the way his smile spreads across his face shows his approval at the other._

 

☼☼☼

 

_They spend a majority of their time doing just that. Walking along the coastline as they reveal bits of themselves to each other while taking sips from their drinks._

 

_Taehyun was so close his feet barely missed getting wet by approaching waves a couple of times. Minho at one point wrapped an arm around him when he almost tripped and ended up leaving it there when Taehyun leaned into him._

 

_Eventually their conversations became deeper, touches lingering longer, and gazes holding more than either could say._

 

_Unbeknownst to them, their friends watched the pair and share knowing smiles even after the duo join back up with the group when the sky darkens. Facing all the teasing remarks thrown at them by everyone. Not mattering much because Taehyun is smiling despite the flush on his cheeks and Minho is sure his face is the same._

 

_When the fire dies out and there isn’t much alcohol left, everyone gathers up their belongings and prepare to leave._

 

_Minho moves to help out but stops when he feels someone slip their hands into his and recognizes the softness of the hand right away. Turning to face the other, Minho doesn’t get to say anything as Taehyun speaks before him._

 

_“Although I was dragged here and didn’t expect to enjoy myself, I had a great time.”_

 

_“Me too.” He breathes out with a grin._

 

_Taehyun nods and let’s go of his hand to wrap around himself as a breeze picks up. “Would you like to still meet after this?”_

 

_Minho stares at Taehyun, momentarily stunned at the others words but snaps out of it when a friend nudges his shoulder as he passes him._

 

_“Yes!” Minho says a little too loudly and can hear snickering behind him. “I mean, yeah. I’d really like that.” He finishes lamely._

 

_Taehyun smiles bashfully at him and Minho swears he’s never seen anyone look more beautiful and stunning the way Taehyun does in that moment._

 

_And that’s how everything starts for them._

 

☼

 

Minho smiles fondly as he reaches the end of their first memory, they were so young but he could already see what was to come from just that first meeting.

 

As he shifts through other moments of their life together, Minho feels himself slowly regaining all their forgotten time with each new memory.

 

☼

 

_The sound of shuffling wakes Minho up from his dreamless sleep. Leaning over, he reaches for his phone and shines the light to see Taehyun next to the bedside drawer with his hands behind his back._

 

_“Oh, you’re awake.” He can hear the disappointment in Taehyun’s voice and smiles sleepily at him._

 

_“Thought you could surprise me for my birthday?”_

 

_“Was hoping too, yeah.” Taehyun says and places his gift on the drawer before moving to sit on top of Minho._

 

_“What did you—“ Taehyun cuts him off by kissing him hard and effectively blocking his view._

 

_“Don’t look, wait till the sun’s out and then you can see.” Taehyun says when their lips separate, though Minho is reluctant to pull away._

 

_“Are you scared I won’t like it?” Minho asks as he runs a hand through Taehyun’s messy brown hair._

 

_“No!...maybe?” Taehyun looks doubtful and bites his lip._

 

_Minho cups Taehyun’s cheek and when he leans up Taehyun meets him halfway. Their lips slide perfectly over each other and Taehyun let’s out a content sigh. He can already feel himself relaxing and silently thanks Minho for calming his nerves._

 

_As they keep kissing Minho pulls Taehyun’s slim body against his and flips them so Taehyun has his back to the mattress. Minho cracks a smile when he opens his eyes to see Taehyun’s own still closed and quickly grabs a pillow from behind him and shoves it to his face._

 

_Taehyun splutters backward and removes the pillow only to see Minho reaching over to flick the light from his lamp on to see the gift._

 

_“Minho!” Taehyun tries to cover his boyfriend’s eyes but it’s too late. Letting out a sigh, he sits back and watches anxiously._

 

_Minho’s eyes widened in surprise as he takes in the gift before softening in adoration. It’s beautiful._

 

_A tree full of pictures, some of them, some of friends and family, a few solo shots of each other, even a picture of Jhonny. He turns back to where Taehyun is laying beside him, face reddening and gaze averted._

 

_“I know it’s not much and it’s probably shitty—“ A gentle hand brushes Taehyun’s head and buries itself into disheveled strands again as Minho leans down to place a light kiss on his lips._

 

_“Taehyun, shut up. It’s perfect.”_

 

_“It is? Because I had so many other ideas and then I kept thinking how cheesy they all were and I know you don’t really like that kind of stuff...“_

 

_“I love it. I love you,” Minho murmurs, placing a reassuring kiss on Taehyun’s forehead before looking at him sincerely. “Thank you.”_

 

_Taehyun’s heart beats nearly out of his chest at the melting looking Minho is giving him. He smiles into into their next kiss when he feels Minho’s heart beating just as rapid. “I love you too. Happy birthday.”_

 

_The next seconds were a blur of full of lips and tongue just before the heat of their bodies met in the most pleasurable ways._

 

☼

 

_The duo are on the couch under the sheets in Taehyun’s apartment with all the lights set low. Boxes of boxes scattered around the place, ready to be sealed up and taken to their new place tomorrow. They’re having one last night at his place and reminiscing about all the memories they made here._

 

_Half of which consists on the many times they almost destroyed the place._

 

_Like when they tried to make pancakes and somehow the batter ended up everywhere but the pan._

 

_Or when Taehyun was working on an art project that dealt with electroluminescent paint and a few flicks toward each other turned to half the walls (and themselves) glowing._

 

_Another where Minho thought lighting up all the candles in his place and leading them to his bedroom would be a good idea for Valentines but resulted in Taehyun coming home to Minho trying to put out a fire._

 

_He’s pretty sure his neighbors won’t be missing him for that one._

 

_“Okay, list me at least 5 things you like about our relationship.” Minho says, laughing when Taehyun groans and sits up to properly think._

 

_“Hmm...” Taehyun nervously plays with their hands and rests his head on Minho’s shoulder._

 

_It’s been five years since they’ve been together and with a bit of help from the wine, Taehyun feels himself getting emotional. If he could he’d probably name everything._

 

_The good and bad times. The outrageous or petty moments that thinking back now would make them either laugh or cringe. Moments where Minho managed to sweep him off his feet or how he’d be able to catch the other off guard. All of it reserved for their viewing eyes only._

 

_Taehyun is nearly tearing up when he says:_

 

  1. _How we sometimes bathe together with the lights off, leaving all our insecurities and fears in the brightness. Or how we just cling to each other in bed because sometimes that’s more than words can say._
  2. _I like the way you look at me when you’re laughing really hard. The way your eyes scrunch up and how your smile gets wider. I like the way you know it’s my favorite sound._
  3. _When we share clothes or accessories, because we both like to keep a reminder of each other on us. You think it’s subtle and I can’t argue with you on that._
  4. _I like the way you talk about all the people before me like they didn’t come close. I like the way you make me feel like the only one who has ever had a chance._
  5. _I love how you made me change the way I think from ‘what did I do to deserve you?’ to being lucky to have someone who accepts all my flaws without thinking any different about me._



 

_Taehyun wraps his arms around Minho and leans against his chest. Burying his face in the crook of Minho’s neck. “I know you said five but do you remember what you told me during that rough patch three years ago? When we were still starting out?”_

 

_"Ah." Minho feels a tear fall down his cheek. He can't help but chuckle, his laughter wet and happy. “I said, ‘I’m not only in this relationship for the good times. Taehyun, I love you. And if there is hell, we’ll walk through it together.’”_

 

_Taehyun picks his head up, eyes filled with tears and love, so much love. He envelops the hand he’s holding between his palms, raising the fingertips to his lips. “That’s when I knew I was yours.”_

 

☼

 

_“Minho.”_

 

_“Hmm?”_

 

_“What would you say if I said I wanted to have a kid?”_

 

_They’re walking down the street hand in hand as they shop for the upcoming holidays. Minho had been eyeing a few food vendors down the street when he registers what Taehyun just said._

 

_“I’d first ask if this has something to do with a little sister of mine?” Taehyun scoffs and moves to let go of their hands but Minho just pulls him closer with a teasing smile. “You know I’m right.”_

 

_Which was true, his sister and her husband had a kid a few months back and Taehyun was still not over the baby craze. Minho should have guessed this conversation would come sooner or later, not that he minds._

 

_“I’m being serious. Our twenties are coming to an end and I think we’re at a good place in our lives to have kids.”_

 

_Minho pauses in his steps and looks at Taehyun curiously. “First you said a kid, now kids?”_

 

_“I want to have at least three.” Taehyun admits with a shrug, playing with the ends of Minho’s hair that’s not tucked underneath his neon beanie. “Can teach them how to play tennis with your head.”_

 

_Minho shakes his head with a laugh and raises Taehyun’s hand to press a kiss to his palm. “Let’s focus on getting married first before we even discuss kids.”_

 

_“Then what are you waiting for? Give the people what they want. We’ve been together long enough.“ Taehyun says while pounding lightly on his chest._

 

_"Alright,” Minho catches his hands and looks around them. “Do you want me to get on my knees right now?”_

 

_“It's one knee, but yes.”_

 

_“Babe, for you I'd get on both.”_

 

_“Gosh you’re so romantic. I can feel the tears coming.”_

 

_They stare at each other for a moment and then are shaking with laughter. Drawing a few curious gazes at them but ignoring them as they focus only on each other._

 

_“Oh. There’s this one kid in my class, Hayul, he’s so young but imaginative! I think you’d really like him and his art.” Taehyun mentions once they begin walking again._

 

_“Already deciding what kind of kid you wanna have?” He jokes as he swings their hands._

 

_Taehyun flips him off with his free hand, earning an amused chuckle from Minho. “No. You’re going to have to marry me before that, remember?”_

 

_Minho smiles at Taehyun tenderly before leaning in to press a kiss on his temple. “Yeah I know.”_

 

_He continues listening to Taehyun talk about the young student while fingering the velvet box in the pocket of his coat as they go about their way._

 

☼

 

Minho doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there but he takes in every memory differently. Some longer than others as he could tell they held more significance to him.

 

The ache in his chest still remains but to a lesser degree. However, Minho feels like the last few memories have been leading up to a certain moment. One in which he knows but not  _how_.

 

Looking up, he catches Seunghoon staring at him from across the table and is surprised to see sadness tinged in his eyes before looking away.

 

Minho swallows the uneasiness he feels rising in his throat as he understands what he’s about to experience with the next oncoming memories.

 

☼

 

_The last couple of hours have been nothing but Minho high strung as he’s filled with anxiety. His phone gripped tightly in one hand while the other is embedded in his head as he paces back and forth in the living room of their home while their cats follow his movements every so often._

 

_Taehyun hasn’t answered or replied to any of his calls or messages and he’s tried everyone he can think of to see if they’ve seen or heard from him but sadly nothing. The last time they talked, Taehyun mentioned he was going to go pick up a couple of suits he sent to the dry cleaners for Minho and then head to the market for groceries. That was almost 8 hours ago._

 

_It doesn’t help that it’s been raining heavily since the afternoon and only increases Minho’s fear and anxiety of where the other could be. Knowing full well that Taehyun wasn’t very fond of rainy weather._

 

_A certain place pops into his head and while he feels like Taehyun won’t be there, he has to at least try and hurries to slip on his shoes. He’s just about to head out when he hears knocking at the front door and runs straight to it._

 

_Yanking the door open, the little relief he had changes to worry when he sees Danah soaked from head to toe. It takes a deeper plunge when he sees the officers behind her. Faces downcast in an almost apologetic manner._

 

_No._

 

_No. No. No. No. No. No. N—_

 

_“M-Minho...” Danah stutters out, gaining his attention and the look on her face halts any hope he has lingering inside. Her face tells him enough._

 

_This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real!_

 

_He lets go of the door handle and slides to the ground, unable to keep his balance up. His head is spinning and he can hear his blood being pumped as it beats faster and faster in his chest._

 

_Danah follows, gathering him in her arms and tries to get him to listen to her but Minho shakes his head and tries to block her out. Only managing to pick out the words “raining,” “accident,” and “I’m so sorry.”_

 

_It’s enough for Minho to get the gist but it doesn’t stop him from letting out a silent scream of agony as he curls into himself. Shoulders heaving as his sobs grow louder and louder till it’s the loudest he’s ever cried before._

 

_Taehyun._

 

_The name repeats itself over and over again in his head as different memories come to mind. Minho grabs at his chest and tries to breathe but the harder he tries the worse it gets._

 

☼☼☼

 

_He doesn’t remember the car ride over. He might recall some fuzzy memories of seeing the rain droplets fly past on the passenger's window and maybe some of the gray trees that swept past his vision as he stared out._

 

_Vaguely hearing Danah talking on the phone. Who or what she said over it lost as the rain continued to fall. He might have remembered hearing Danah call out his name afterwards and ask him some questions but he didn’t listen to or answer them._

 

_Minho had hoped the news was just some terrible, cruel joke, that this was just a prank or a nightmare he could now wake up from but the moment he sees the pale figure lying on the coroner’s table he knows._

 

_His legs feel like led as he walks to where Taehyun’s form lay still, the world around him a noiseless blur. He could only see Taehyun, face pale with his eyes shut, almost innocently like he was sleeping, and it nauseated Minho. He felt physically sick and drained_.

 

_Taehyun had always been fare skinned, but not like this (never like this) with small scratches and cuts on his face where usually Minho would only see light freckles. A few strands of his hair still dyed red with blood, having mixed in from the damp of the rain. Minho reaches out a hand, shakily, touching the other’s skin and flinching at the cold (too cold) temperature his fingers were before fully covering Taehyun’s hand with his own._

 

_Time had never felt slower to Minho, but all too soon the feeling went away. Behind him voices buzzed around like flies, signaling the arrival of the rest of their family; he didn’t bother to pay them any attention. Giving his entire focus only for Taehyun._

 

_Taehyun, who he‘s been with for nearly ten years._

 

_Taehyun, who he raised five cats with._

 

_Taehyun, who taught at a elementary school._

 

_Taehyun, who he was going to finally marry this fall._

 

_Taehyun, who was already planning what kind of kid(s) they wanted to adopt._

 

_Taehyun, who kissed him this morning and told him that he loved him._

 

_Taehyun, who had probably died in pain._

 

_Taehyun, who had been alone in his final moments._

 

_Taehyun, who was perfect and beautiful and stubborn but so so beautiful._

 

_Nam Taehyun, who at the age of 28, was now gone. No longer breathing. Taken from Minho so easily._

 

_Minho feels that loss straight to his soul._

 

_His face contorts into an ugly twist; his forehead aches as his eyebrows try to meet, and his mouth opens into an unflattering gape. His heart beats so hard and fast in his chest as grief envelopes his entire body in heaving choked sobs._

 

_He thinks he finally understands what people mean when they talk about their hearts breaking because Minho’s feels like his was just shattered to pieces._

 

☼☼☼

 

_The aftermath of it all is one Minho can’t really remember. He was in a daze for the first couple of weeks, seeing everything through a thick fog, even when he was saying goodbye to Taehyun’s body, he couldn’t really see anything clearly. Unable to process everything, he shut most of it out. And when he couldn't find feeling in anything, everything else became numb to him._

 

_He visits_   _the beach often these days. Walks around the familiar areas he’s done hundreds of times with Taehyun. Stares out into the ocean and sometimes, when he knows his mind is playing tricks on him, he thinks he sees Taehyun looking out with his marigold colored hoodie._

 

_The one that was thrown out years ago after their cats thought it be good clawing material to use._

 

_Minho remembers surprising Taehyun by getting him a pullover in the exact same color and how happy the other had been when he presented it to him on his birthday. Taehyun laughing afterwards as he tried it on and spun around so Minho could get a good look._

 

_Taehyun’s smile..._

 

_Ah, the gift of a memory. Minho thinks to himself. The one place in which Taehyun can still remain present aside from his heart._

 

_“Today’s your birthday.” Minho starts, speaking into the existence around him. Clearing his throat a few times as he’s not used to talking much. “I thought it be a good idea to come out for yours.”_

 

_“I wanted to come here for mine, but I just couldn’t do it. I know, what a loser.” He jokes even as his eyes start to water._

 

_Closing his eyes for a moment, Minho touches the rings hanging coldly on his chest to gain some strength._

 

_“I miss you,” he breathes out. Already used to the accompanying tears that follow every time he says those words._

 

_It won’t bring Taehyun back though. Fate was cruel in not letting them part together. He wishes so hard he had been the other’s substitute, to take on the pain the other had gone through._

 

_Whatever composure he thought he managed to built up breaks like a dam as the endless hurt flows out his tear ducts. “I wish I was there, or you were here, or we were elsewhere together.”_

 

_Maybe then this pain wouldn’t be so unbearable._

 

☼☼☼

 

_Minho spends most of his time at the beach. Walking along the shoreline in the early mornings or late evenings. Taking deep breaths and letting the view consume him until his mind was clear enough._

 

_Sometimes though, he’d watch the waves coming and going and think about simply entering the water and never coming back. Minho would then quickly shake those thoughts away. Not wanting to taint the one place that always brought them peace._

 

_Instead he has other plans._

 

_At first he_   _stops eating and drinking. He is determined to starve this sadness to death. Skipping meals and eating small amounts around others for appearances sake. No one seems to notice the gradual weight loss until he‘s half the size he used to be and the roundness of his face is almost all gone._

 

_He eventually decides it’s not the best method when he’s hospitalized for malnutrition and sees the tear-stricken face of his mother as she begs him to eat. Telling him how Taehyun wouldn’t want to see him like this either._

 

_Guilt wrecks through him at the mention of the other’s name and Minho closes his eyes. “Mom,” his voice sounds like heartbreak and her only response is to wrap him in a tight hug._

 

_Minho wonders how he can avoid always being comforted by others even when he’s a fault, what a luxury that would be._

 

☼☼☼

 

_He starts gaining back the weight he lost. Minho doesn’t see how eating will help with how he’s feeling but it makes everyone around him happy._

 

_His next alternative is to sleep but he’s not much of a fan because once he wakes he’ll have maybe 1 to 2 minutes of bliss before reality sets in and he feels like he’s been swallowed hole._

 

_He’s tired of waking up to a world without Taehyun so he stops sleeping. And it’s with his lack of sleep that Minho thinks of his next plan._

 

_Minho waits till he’s dead tired, the kind where he’s barely even able to stay awake, and runs a warm bath._

 

_His mom is preparing to leave and Danah is on her way over to make dinner for them. He only has a limited time to get this done and holds the bottle of sleeping pills in one hand and a wine bottle in another._

 

_Minho knows using pills is a gamble. Half the time people will throw them up before they can kill you, but he’s using them for good measure if the wine doesn’t help make him fall asleep faster._

 

_He hasn’t drank in over six months and quickly pops a handful of pills into his mouth before downing the bottle of wine. He then gets into the bathtub fully clothed and closes his eyes, letting himself relax and feeling his heartbeat slow down as he falls asleep._

 

☼☼☼

 

_“Where’s Minho?” Danah asks as she steps inside, noting her brother’s absence._

 

_“He’s taking a bath, should be getting out soon.” Their mom answers and adjusts her bag. “I’ll be back, just need to pick up a few things with your father. You’re fine starting without me?”_

 

_Danah nods mindlessly as she repeats the ingredients back to herself. Their mom pats her shoulder and then steps out._

 

_A bit later, as Danah is preparing the food, she turns to ask Minho a question but remembers he’s in the bathroom. For a moment she goes back to cooking but pauses. How long had he been in there?_

 

_Turning the stove off, Danah walks down the hall and tries to ignore the sense of dread that fills her stomach._

 

_As she approaches the door, she turns the knob and finds it locked. Immediately her heart quickens and she knocks on the door. “Minho? Are you still bathing?”_

 

_She leans her head against the door and doesn’t hear anything but the water running. Knocking again, she calls out Minho’s name a couple of more times with no answer._

 

_Danah tries to not let herself panic and quickly takes out her phone from her pocket. However when she looks down, her hands begin to shake and she drops her phone as she sees water coming from under the door._

 

_“Minho! Minho, open the door!” She slams her hands on the door hard and twists the knob repeatedly but it doesn’t budge._

 

_Despite the tears falling down her face, Danah wracks through her brain and tries to remember methods to open a locked door. Taking a step back, she looks it up and down and checks the hinges of the door. It‘s a push door. Good._

 

_Taking a deep but shaky breath, Danah gives herself some distance and aims near where the lock is, making sure to not hit the knob itself. It takes her two tries but she manages to kick it open and steps inside._

 

_She slips on the wet floor but ignores the pain shooting down her knees as she makes her way on her hands and feet to where Minho is. A sob escaping as she sees him lying in the water, eyes closed._

 

_No, no, no, no, no! I lost one brother. I’m not going to lose you!_

 

_Still running with the adrenaline in her body, she pulls Minho up from under his arms. His body is heavy and she almost drops him back into the now cold bath but she grits her teeth and manages to get him out and onto the floor._

 

_Danah is now full on sobbing as she turns Minho on his side and feels for a pulse. It’s faint but she knows her time is limited and slaps him a couple of times over the face. Minho twitches lightly but overall is still unresponsive._

 

_She brings him closer to her chest and then sticks her fingers down his throat as far as it can go, getting a good grip on him when his body starts reacting and he struggles against her weakly._

 

☼☼☼

 

_“What are we doing here?”_

 

_Minho opens his eyes and looks to see Taehyun laying beside him. The sight of the other makes Minho’s heart ache and he sits up to look around them._

 

_They're in bed, floating in the ocean. Water lapping at the sides of their mattress and the sky filled with billions of stars. But it’s Taehyun that has Minho’s attention. Like always._

 

_His hair glitters in the moonlight, and if Minho squints, Taehyun's hair is every color all at once. Minho isn’t sure what’s going on, if this is an induced hallucination or not but Taehyun is here and all he can feel his happiness._

 

_However, the look on Taehyun’s angelic face is worried mixed with confusion. “Are you okay?”_

 

_“I wasn’t,” Minho says, even though he wants to lie and say yes. “But I am now.”_

 

_Taehyun smiles sadly at him and cups his face. Minho immediately covering it with his own, sliding in between the cracks of the others._

 

_“Tell me the truth, Minho.”_

 

_Minho thinks he hears something in the distance but Taehyun brings him back to focus, leaning their foreheads together._

 

_“I don’t want to live anymore, Taehyun. My soul is tired. You can call me all the names you want but I don't want to exist in a world without you. Something inside me has given up and I can’t do it anymore. I'm not strong enough.” He clutches tightly onto the other as he cries. “Please just come back to me. I swear I'll never let you leave again.”_

 

_Taehyun goes to say something but a wave suddenly appears and pulls them under. Minho reaches out for Taehyun’s hand just before everything disappears._

 

☼☼☼

 

_When Minho comes around to, its due to his throat burning as fingers are shoved down. He opens his eyes for half a second, seeing glimpses of white before closing them as the fingers dig deeper. Tears form at the corners of his eyes just as his gag reflex finally kicks in._

 

_The next moment he’s throwing up and coughing onto the wet floor, the fingers that were in his mouth pull out but not without getting covered as well._

 

_It burns so much._

 

_Minho’s eyes sting as he cries and his nose feels on fire. He can feel someone smoothing his hair as he continues to throw up. Letting everything out until he’s left dry heaving and leans back against whoever._

 

_He drifts in and out of consciousness, exhaustion overtaking him but shakes from the chill. Arms wrap around him more securely and Minho can faintly hear sobbing. Barely conscious and all, he is able to recognize it though._

 

_“Dan...ah?” Minho hears himself say right before going limp in her arms._

 

_His sister just holds onto Minho tighter, rocking them both as she continues to cry. Minho was no longer pale, his face was pink and his breathing was regulating. She places her hand over his heart and rests her head against the porcelain tub._

 

_“It’s going to be alright.” Danah says as she kisses Minho’s head. Not exactly sure who she was trying to reassure more._

 

☼

 

Minho flicks through the last couple of pages. Finding out a couple weeks after his attempt his family decided to have the procedure to wipe his memories done. He was then put in a medically induced coma to give explanation as to why he won’t remember the last ten years. While that occurred his family, along with Taehyun’s, collected and got rid of anything that could potentially trigger Minho’s memories.

 

Minho stops after a while. Feeling like he’s covered enough of the events that led to him forgetting about Taehyun. He understands why his family did it. They hadn’t wanted to but in order to save Minho from killing his own sadness, they had to make him forget Taehyun.

 

Tipping his head up, Minho feels the tears slide hotly down his face and covers his eyes. Letting out shuddering breaths as he mourns for the forgotten memories but also for having recovered them just now.

 

When he’s collected himself, Seunghoon approaches him and gently guides Minho to another door.

 

“Go through this way, it’ll lead you outside.”

 

“But—“ Minho begins to protest but Seunghoon shakes his head.

 

“I know you want to see Taehyun, and you will, but not until I’m done with him.”

 

Minho hesitates but Seunghoon gives him a little push out the door, it disappears behind him and he’s left standing at the pier.

 

Running a hand through his hair, Minho thinks for a moment before allowing his feet to lead him to a certain place.

 

☼

 

“Alright, Taehyun your turn.” Seunghoon says as he enters the waiting room. He expects to see said male but the only other occupant in the room is the guilty face of Seungyoon. “Where’s Taehyun and Jinwoo?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungyoon starts, laughing awkwardly and scratching at his cheek. “About that...”

 

Seunghoon narrows his eyes as he stares at the young guide. “Don’t tell me...ah you two!”

 

“Don’t put this on both of us! It was all Jinwoo’s fault.”

 

“What. Happened.” Seunghoon says through clenched teeth. Not happy about the situation. At all.

 

“Well...”


	3. Part 3: Taehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized paragraphs = flashbacks

 

_“Why don’t we start with Minho, please step inside!”_

 

_As Minho stands to leave Taehyun instinctively shoots out his hand, tugging onto the bottom of his shirt. Minho looks back at him questioningly but Taehyun drops their gaze as he feels his face reddening._

 

_“B-Be careful.”_

 

_He wants to slap himself for stuttering but to his surprise Minho takes a hold of his hand in an almost comforting gesture. Somehow it feels natural, like it’s something Minho’s done before._

 

_“I will. See you soon.”_

 

_Minho then let’s go of his hand with a reassuring squeeze. Taehyun follows after him with his eyes right up until he walks into the office with Seunghoon._

_He can’t explain why he doesn’t like the idea of being separated from Minho too long when he barely met the guy._

 

☼

 

Taehyun slouches into his seat and covers his face in embarrassment as he tries to make sense of what came over him to reach out for Minho like that.

 

“Don’t worry about him,” he hears Jinwoo say and peeks between his fingers to look at him.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Minho. Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.” Jinwoo clarifies with a beaming smile. “Seunghoon is the best at handling souls.”

 

“Don’t ask why he’s wearing the doctors coat though, we think he just likes it because he wants to look professional.” Seungyoon chimes in.

 

By the way the two are talking lightly to him, Taehyun thinks he should feel at ease but it only does the opposite.

 

“So then,” Taehyun begins, trying to organize the mess his thoughts had become as he stares at them, “I’m actually dead?” The words feel heavy on his tongue and his stomach tightens with anxiety.

 

Jinwoo moves to sit beside him and takes a hold of his hands. “It’s not as bad as it seems,” he assures him in a soft voice. “At least for your part it hasn’t been.”  

 

Taehyun blinks and gives Jinwoo a confused look, not understanding what the other means by that but strangely the distress he felt moments ago is gone.

 

However, Seungyoon picks up on what Jinwoo is trying to do and shakes his head disapprovingly. “Jinwoo,” he calls out the other warningly, not wanting him to let something slip before Seunghoon can explain to Taehyun the situation himself. “This is not our place to interfere.”

 

Jinwoo let’s go of Taehyun’s hands and looks over at Seungyoon. “But he has a right to know!” he defends, cheeks puffing out slightly. “It isn’t fair.”

 

“He will.  _After_  Seunghoon is done with Minho.”

 

“I don’t see how keeping things from Taehyun is right when he’s been—”

 

Seungyoon jumps up from his seat and covers Jinwoo’s mouth before he can finish. “Okay, okay. I see your point, just stop talking.”

 

Jinwoo complies, looking pleased with himself as Seungyoon drops his hand. When he looks back to Taehyun he sees the other’s brow furrow, eyes flitting between Jinwoo and Seungyoon.

 

“What are you talking about? Tell me what?”

 

Rehearsing in his head what he’s heard Seunghoon say more lifetimes than he can remember, Jinwoo nods to himself before speaking again. “Taehyun, what is the last thing you can remember?”

 

“You mean before I died?”

 

“More or less.” Jinwoo says with a shrug.

 

Seungyoon lets out an audible sigh beside them and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Seunghoon is going to kill us. I say us because he’s going to assume you roped me into this.”

 

“Oh, live a little Yoonie! I can deal with Hoon.” Jinwoo replies, unfazed by Seungyoon’s concern. He faces Taehyun again and leans back in his chair with a waiting smile.

 

Taehyun shifts in his seat. “I... I can’t really recall.” He closes his eyes for a moment to try and concentrate on anything but only hears the sound of rain pouring. A shiver runs down his spine and he opens his eyes again to meet Jinwoo’s. “I’m sorry.”

 

Jinwoo waves his hand dismissively. “That’s to be expected.” He snaps his fingers and a manila folder appears in his lap. Taehyun scoots back a bit in surprised and Seungyoon perks up in his seat.

 

Noticing Seungyoon’s reaction, Jinwoo clears his throat to explain. “I only took the last life from his book and compiled it into this small file.”

 

“You did that just now?” Taehyun asks.

 

“Time works very different here,” Jinwoo say and hands the file over to Taehyun. Seungyoon doesn’t protest but doesn’t look too happy either and silently watches.

 

“You know about resurrection and past lives, right?”

 

Taehyun nods but his whole attention is on the folder in his hands. It’s not necessarily thick and he can’t stop the sinking feeling forming in the pit of his stomach.

 

“When you go with Seunghoon, he’ll probably show you your book. It has every record of all the lives you lived with more details than I can really provide. For now,” Jinwoo taps the folder. “This will tell you everything you need to know about your last life.”

 

Taehyun nods again and goes to open the file when Seungyoon speaks up. “Go to the last page, it’s the best place to start.”

 

Taking Seungyoon’s advice, Taehyun turns the file over and opens to the last page and sees elegant handwriting suddenly appear.

 

**_You are in between the Gateway and the Beyond._**

**_The current life you lived with your soulmate has ended._ **

**_You will not be able to pass through any boundary until a decision between the two of you has been made._ **

 

Taehyun lets out a small shaky exhale, rereading the lines again as he traced his finger beneath them. “What is the Gateway?”

 

“The Gateway leads to earth,” Jinwoo and Seungyoon speak at the same time, their answer automatic and flat momentarily before Jinwoo blinks and pinches Seungyoon’s arm playfully.

 

“Jinx! You owe me a constellation.” He laughs pleasingly and Seungyoon shakes his head with a chuckle of agreement.

 

Taehyun raises a brow at them. “But what does that mean exactly? Like does passing through the Gateway return us back to our bodies or is it like you mentioned with the resurrection?”

 

“Well first off, it’s safe to say that you’re dead.” Seungyoon answers with a snort, earning a harder pinch from Jinwoo.

 

“Don’t be rude,” Jinwoo scolds him and gives Taehyun an apologetic look. Taehyun doesn’t mind and waits for an explanation.

 

Seungyoon rubs where he was pinched but goes on. “Considering the nature of life, the Gateway is like a reset button. Once you go through it takes you to your next life.”

 

“And does going through the Beyond lead to…well the end of life in general?”

 

“No. It’s kind of like a resting place for your soul. You can leave any time you want and enter the Gateway when you’re ready.”

 

Taehyun hesitates for a moment before continuing with his questioning. “So, what about this place? The message mentioned soulmates. Do I really have one?”

 

An odd, heavy sort of silence fell over them as Taehyun waited for either of them to answer.

 

“Jinwoo and I call it the Boundary, since it lies in the middle, and essentially you could live here without going through either entrance.” Seungyoon says at last, clearing his throat. “And about the soulmate, yeah you do.” Seungyoon doesn’t say anything more and with a quick glance at Jinwoo, he doesn’t look like he plans to either.

 

Taehyun swallows and looks down at the open folder then back at them, seeming to come to his own decision and turns to the next page. Narrowing his eyes as he reads the information provided.

 

**Nam Taehyun, born in Hanam, South Korea on May 10, 2044 and died on October 4, 2072.**

 

The sense of relief he feels at knowing his full name is quickly replaced as he discovers he died at just 28 years old. That’s such a short life…

 

However, he doesn’t get to linger on that feeling long enough as the next name he reads makes his heart stop then ache.

 

**Engaged to Song Minho, born in Yongin, South Korea on March 30, 2043 and died September 24, 2110**

 

“Song Minho...” The name prickling something at the back of his mind as he says the name aloud. “He’s…my—”

 

“Soulmate and the one Seunghoon is talking to right now.” Jinwoo finishes for Taehyun, voice low yet compassionate.

 

“But...but,” Taehyun looks at his date of death and then back to Minho’s. There is a difference, a _big_ difference. His mind works desperately to try and search for the words, a piece of information that would explain the one question he wanted answered. “Why can’t I remember him?”

 

Neither Jinwoo or Seungyoon give an immediate response and Taehyun flicks through the rest of the folder. Skimming through the details provided and when he reads what happened to him, what happened to Minho, his heart _breaks_.

 

A whole decade and then some seemingly wiped away. Their whole history gone in an instant.

 

He buries his face in his hands and sobs. Chest heaving as he struggles to control himself. “Oh my god,” Taehyun chokes out. “ _Oh my god_.”

 

Jinwoo lays a hand on his arm to help him calm down but it only makes Taehyun shudder violently.

 

“Don’t _touch_ me!” He cries, head aching uncontrollably as memories flash in and out of his mind. “Please, don’t touch me.”

 

Hardly conscious of his own actions, the folder falls to the floor and the room spins as he stands up, he is across the room and out the closest door in seconds.

 

☼☼☼

 

Taehyun can hardly breathe as he runs. To where? He has no clue but all he knows is that he can’t be in that room right now. He can vaguely hear what sounds like Jinwoo and Seungyoon yelling after him but ignores them as he keeps running, tears blurring his vision.

 

With every moving step, he remembers it all. He remembers _them._ Narrative is abandoned in exchange for bursts in time. The raw marrow of every moment. Memories ranging from big moments he wishes he could relive again to small insignificant ones that probably wouldn’t have mattered but do now.

 

Taehyun feels an electric surge of laughter against his ear; the overwhelming high of a first kiss and all the ones that followed, each one taking his breath away. Soft words murmured in between the sheets. Heated bodies pressed warmly against each other. Playful biting and exploring fingers on skin. Pleasure. A lingering caress. Arms wrapped around a narrow waist. Clinging hands. Appreciating glances when they think the other isn’t looking. Embraces that feel like coming home. The impact of disappointment. Wiping tear-stained cheeks. Forgiveness. Loyalty, protection, respect. Security. An overpowering sense of peace. The cosmic notion of being made for one another.

 

He finally collapses when his feet can no longer keep moving and falls to his knees, hitting the ground with a hard thud. When he picks his head up, a choke laugh escapes his throat as he realizes where he is.

 

The beach.

 

His lip quivers as he tries to suppress his tears, failing as he closes his eyes and feels them trail down his cheeks. Even when his mind is a mess, his body knows where to take him.

 

☼

 

_The morning starts off like any other. They wake up, shower, and share breakfast together before Minho gets dressed for work._

 

_He’s at the door slipping his shoes on when Taehyun approaches him. “You’re dressed so sharp today, are you nervous about the proposal?”_

 

_“What makes you say that?” Minho asks, though Taehyun is right to assume. He stayed up late the night before going over what he was planning to say and barely managed to wake up when his alarm rang this morning._

 

_“Well, if you’re going to wear a suit you should at least know how to properly use a tie.” Taehyun tells him as he adjusts it for him._

 

_Minho looks down to see the half-ass job he’s done and smiles back at Taehyun. “What would I do without you?”_

 

_“I have no idea,” Taehyun muses, his hands coming around to fix the collar before pulling back to admire his work. “But aren’t you glad you don’t have to think about that?”_

 

_“Yeah,” Minho smiles and leans down to kiss Taehyun._

 

_“Call me after the meeting to let me know if you need me to cheer you up or not, okay?”_

 

_“Hmm,” Minho wraps his arms around Taehyun’s waist and sways them a little. “How about you send me something naughty? That’ll cheer me up faster.”_

 

_“Perv,” Taehyun laughs and pats Minho’s arm to release him. “Get going or you’ll be late.”_

 

_“Okay, okay,” but Minho doesn’t let go yet. “Can I have a kiss for good luck?” Taehyun rolls his eyes but leans up and pecks him all over his face._

_“Satisfied?”_

 

_Minho hums happily, face beaming. “Mm, give me another one?”_

 

_“Ugh,” Taehyun groans but gives in. Unable to hide his smile when Minho’s hand comes up to tilt his jaw and make their kiss deeper than he intended._

_When they pull away, Taehyun has to bite down on his lip hard to not show how happy he is. Minho still notices however and waggles his brows._

_Taehyun pushes him away but Minho interlocks their fingers. A comforting gesture Taehyun has always loved. There was just something gratifying about simply holding each other’s hands that he couldn’t explain._

_Minho squeezes their hands, drawing Taehyun’s attention back to him. “Hey, the dry-cleaning needs to be picked up today. Don’t forget, please?”_

 

_“I won’t, now go!” Taehyun says and pushes Minho toward the door._

 

_“I’m going,” Minho chuckles, bringing the hand still clutched in his to his lips. “Love you.”_

 

_“Love you too~” Taehyun says, lips quirking to the side bashfully._

_Minho releases his hand and grabs his briefcase. He’s halfway out the door when he pokes his head back in, the biggest smile on his face. “Love you more!” he shouts and is out of their place._

_Taehyun shakes his head at his fiancé’s antics and crosses his arms over his chest with a smile matching Minho’s. He feels something warm and furry rub against his leg and looks down to see Polly peering up at him._

_“Right, we should get some food in us.” He tells his cat and picks him up. “I have the whole day to myself, let’s see what I can get done today.”_

☼☼☼

 

_Taehyun curses himself as he slows down. He knew he should have left earlier when he saw the greying clouds forming. Now he’s stuck driving in the rain and his anxiety is slowly rising as the rain falls heavily, making it harder to see through it all._

_Taking a few calming breathes, he’s startled when he hears his phone ring but the familiar ringtone he has for Minho settles his nerves along with the picture of them that pops up on the screen of his dashboard._

_Taehyun goes to answer the call when the truck driving beside him suddenly skids and rams into the passenger side of his car. The force of the truck causes Taehyun to hit his head and lose control of the wheel._

_Another car tries to hit the brakes but is too late and slams against him. The impact makes the car lose its balance on the wet road and roll over on its side, making an awful groan._

 

_There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind, really, that a car accident is one of the worst ways to go. One second you’re fine and the next your car is rolling against the ground, the sounds of metal bending and glass breaking, but all you really feel is this fear. A fear that consumes your every inch, that lights the sparks in your lungs, that takes away even the pain of your bleeding, concussive head because it’s creating its own type of pain around your heart._

 

_By the time the car stops altogether, everything has darkened and Taehyun can only feel the cold raindrops landing on him. His last thought is about Minho and how sorry he is._

☼☼☼

 

Taehyun lets out a gasping breath. The memory he just experienced searing through his head painfully. His whole body feels like it’s on fire and he rushes into the water.

 

It’s cold but he ignores it and allows everything he just remembered to crash down on him, waves lapping against his sides as goosebumps trail up his arms.

 

He wishes the water would just take him and stop all the hurt coursing through him but as the water surrounds him, a moment of clarity ceases all thoughts.

 

It’s Minho and him lying down on a bed in the middle of the ocean, floating peacefully as the night sky is illuminated by billions of stars.

 

Taehyun remembers this. He remembers being with Minho briefly. Listening to Minho break down and tell Taehyun he couldn’t do it anymore. He just wanted them to be together again, promising to never let him go.

 

_“It’s not your time yet.”_

 

That was what Taehyun was going to tell Minho right before they disappeared. There was so much he wanted to tell him but it wasn’t the right time.

 

 _And now?_ The thought whispers around in his head and Taehyun realizes he doesn’t want to disappear anymore.

 

He stumbles to try and get up but the waves push him down. A spike of fear enters the pit of his stomach and he claws up at the surface desperately as he sinks further down into the water, vision blurring due to the lack of oxygen.

 

The corners of his eyes begin darkening when a pale hand is outstretched to him. Even with his limited vision, Taehyun manages to grab a hold.

 

“I got you.” The voice is so distinct that he just clings onto the other as they pull him up to his feet, dragging him out of the water and onto the wet sand effortlessly.

 

Taehyun coughs out the remaining water as his back is patted in a helping manner. “What...what just happened?”

 

“You said you wanted out. This place thought you meant from here and was trying to take you.”

 

Taehyun looks up shakily to stare at a soaked Jinwoo. “What would have happened if...?” He trails off, breath coming out in heavy pants.

 

“I don’t know.” Jinwoo answers honestly and falls down beside Taehyun tiredly.

 

Taehyun feels a shiver crawl up his back at the possibilities and wraps his arms around himself. A second later he feels a warm body press against him and turns to see Jinwoo covering them with a huge blanket.  

 

“Why are you here?” He asks, nose sniffling.

 

“It’s partially my fault for causing you to freak out like that...I should have just let Seunghoon do his job.” Jinwoo bows his head apologetically. “But I’ve always liked you and I wanted to be the one to show you your memories.”

 

Taehyun looks at Jinwoo strangely. “Do we…have we known each other?”

 

Jinwoo nods and brings his knees closer to his chest. “We guides sometimes get to go through the Gateway to experience life occasionally. It’s supposed to give us a better sense of humanity and help understand and empathize with souls.”

 

“We’ve crossed paths a few times. In each, I always felt like we connected more, like there was an understanding between us.” Jinwoo laughs with a shake of his head. “I know that’s silly to say since you end up becoming someone different with every new life and don’t remember me but there are traits you always carry with you that make it easy to recognize your soul.”

 

Taehyun swallows thickly as he hears the sincerity in Jinwoo’s voice. “I’m sorry…”

 

Jinwoo looks at him and smiles, eyes kind and understanding. “There’s no reason for you to apologize. That’s just how it works.”

 

It’s quiet between them for a moment and Taehyun takes in his surroundings. His reawaken perspective giving him insight to what he blindly hadn’t noticed before and feels his heart sink.

 

Taking in his expression, Jinwoo frowns concernedly. “What’s wrong?”

 

“This whole place…” He gestures with his hands all around them. “The reason why it’s so familiar is because _I_ created it.”

 

Jinwoo’s eyes flash to Taehyun’s and its all the confirmation Taehyun needs to know he’s right.

 

“Minho had some kind of procedure done to him that erases memories?” The question is said more to himself but Jinwoo still answers.

 

“Yes,” he nods. “Seunghoon believes that because soulmates are essentially one in the same that what happened to Minho—”

 

“Happened to me as well,” Taehyun finishes. “But because time works differently here, I didn’t notice I was slowly forgetting as well so I made all of this…to remember.” He lowers his head in shame. “And in the end, I forgot as well when I was supposed to be the one who remembered us.”

 

“It’s all my fault then.” Taehyun continues, throat constricting and making his voice strained by tears. “Our life wasn’t anything glamorous but we had each other and it was going to be a good life.” He sniffles, shaking his head. “Then I just had to go and fucking die and leave him all alone. Leave him without saying how sorry I am.”

 

“Stop,” Jinwoo scoots forward and squeezes Taehyun’s hand, shifting closer to him and wrapping an arm around his bent form. “None of this is your fault. Minho could never blame you. What happened to you was an accident and you need to accept that.”

 

“The only reason we’re even in this mess is because I fucking died and he had to get his memories erased to ease the pain.” Taehyun chokes out. “And then...then I slowly started to forget him, and now I know  _why_.”

 

“Taehyun, he wasn’t the one who wanted the procedure. His family thought it was for best. He was  _hurting_.”

 

“Whose fault was that? My death fucked him up to the point he tried to kill himself!” A pitiful sound leaving Taehyun lips.

 

Jinwoo runs his hand over Taehyun’s back. “You shouldn’t guilt yourself over something out of your control, Taehyun.” Pulling him a little closer to him as he continues. “What happened to you both was horrible and unfair, but now is the time in which you both can heal from it. _Together_.”

 

“I’m scared.”

 

“Scared of what?”

 

“How long have I been dead? I mean you know how old Minho was when he died, and you know when I died.”

 

Jinwoo wants to hold back that information but for the lack of better judgement he tells Taehyun. “He wasn’t that old. 67. Got sick...”

 

“39 years? I’ve missed out 39 years with him? What if the only reason we’re here is because he’s...he’s waiting for someone else?”

 

“What?” Jinwoo blurts out in utter confusion. “Taehyun—”

 

“Jinwoo, I have no idea what he’s done since the time I’ve been gone. He could have gotten married...had k-kids. Started a whole different life.” Taehyun shakes his head as more tears fall. “I have no clue!”

 

“Taehyun,” Jinwoo tries again, voice lowered a pitch. “I can give you all the answers your seeking but I think you’ve forgotten something.”

 

“What?”

 

“That Minho is here Taehyun, he’s  _here_! He’s here and I’m sure he wants to talk to you about all these things and more. Memories may disappear or in your case, be erased, but your feelings for each other? That can’t just go away. Technology be damned! And deep down, you know that! You know that what you feel goes both ways and I don’t think it ever will stop.”

 

Jinwoo curls his other arm around Taehyun and pulls him toward his chest. He expected Taehyun to resist—and he did a little, but soon eased into the embrace and finally allowed himself to cry his lungs out. Letting all his grief and guilt go. Jinwoo says nothing, simply comforting and holding him, but its more than enough.

 

It took a while before Taehyun calmed down and spoke again, his lips lined with red and eyes swollen, tear stains marking his cheeks and making them blotchy.

 

“What’s been your favorite life we’ve shared?”

 

Grinning, Jinwoo sighs reminiscently. “I once was a drummer for your band, it was fun!”

 

“I was in a band?” Taehyun raises a brow amusingly.

 

“In the 70’s. We were pretty good. You and Minho were all over each other but it still was a life I liked a lot.”

 

Although it’s vague, Taehyun can see a life in which he’s blonde and living in London. He and four other individuals are out in the streets way past curfew and yet don’t have a care in the world. He’s pushing someone who resembles Jinwoo in a shopping cart while another male comes up behind him and slings his arm around his shoulder. Despite his appearance, it doesn’t take much for Taehyun to know its Minho.

 

He smiles as the memory fades away and reaches for Jinwoo’s hand, coiling their fingers together and squeezing tightly. “Thank you…for earlier.”  

 

Jinwoo returns his smile and pulls him up onto his feet, the blanket they had been using gone and their wet clothes now dry. “I need to get going, I can hear Seunghoon calling me and he’s not too happy with the way this was handled.” He loosens his fingers from Taehyun’s and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Talk to him. You’ve both waited long enough, don’t make it any longer.”

 

Taehyun meets his gaze and lets out one last shuddering breath before nodding and moving past him. He didn’t need to ask Jinwoo where Minho was because he already knew where he would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got my new laptop so I'll try and finish this story up soon! Till then ~


	4. Part 4: By the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized paragraphs = flashbacks

_Insistent vibrations rouse Minho from his sleep. Letting out an irritated groan, he clumsily pats around in the dark to stop the muffled buzzing coming from his phone._

 

_Once he’s got a hold of the device, he’s ready to just end the call and let whoever is on the other line be ignored for sleep when he sees the name on the top of his screen along with a dozen or so messages._   _He has no idea why Taehyun is calling him so late at night but it wouldn’t be the_ _first_ _time his boyfriend has done so without a good reason behind it._

 

_“Tae—”_

 

_“Come outside and dress warmly!” Taehyun cuts him off, voice practically vibrating through the phone._

 

_Based on the way Taehyun sounds, Minho can assume nothing bad has happened and pinches the bridge of his nose tiredly. “If this is another attempt to see how loyal I am when you’re ‘drunk’ and forgot your wallet, then goodnight.”_

_He hears a muffled chuckle from the other line. “That was one time! I promise you nothing like that will happen again.”_

_“Hmm, so you say.” Minho scoffs. “Do you even know what time it is?”_

 

_“Yes, I’ve been sitting here for like half an hour waiting for you to answer my texts.”_

 

_He sits up at that and leans over to his window, pulling the blinds to the side and indeed sees Taehyun’s car parked outside._

 

_“Are you kidding—”_

 

_A few insistent knocks from his front door stops him from complaining and Minho scrambles to answer before Taehyun decides to wake up the whole floor._

 

_“You’re taking forever, let me in so I can help you!” Taehyun’s voice comes through the line once again just as Minho reaches the door._

 

_Minho’s brows furrow together confusedly as he opens it. “Help me?”_

 

_Taehyun ends the call and smiles brightly at him, “Pack! We don’t need a lot, just the essentials.”_

 

_Through the confused fog of his half-asleep mind, Minho can only watch as Taehyun walks past him and straight to the closet adjacent to them._

 

_“What exactly are we packing for? Taehyun, I can’t just up and leave whenever you want me to.”_

 

_“Trust me Minho,” Taehyun turns around with a big fluffy blanket and smiles at him. “It’ll be worth it.”_

 

_Minho wants to protest and say sleep sounds way better than any idea Taehyun has at the moment when his boyfriend suddenly gasps._

 

_“Oh, you look so cute in those pants! I didn’t think you’d actually wear them.” Taehyun says in a teasing tone, trying to cover his laughter._

 

_Sparing a glance down at himself, Minho sees he’s wearing red pajama bottoms with floral prints all over. They were a Christmas gift Taehyun had given to him a couple weeks ago meant as a joke but Minho actually liked them._

 

_“They’re comfy.” He defends and hushes Taehyun as he breaks into louder giggles._

 

_Struggling to keep his laughs in, Taehyun walks over to Minho and pats his chest pleased. “I appreciate it. Now can you please put on a coat and come with me?”_

 

_Minho could easily say no but as he meets Taehyun’s gaze and sees the determination in his eyes, he already knows his answer,_

 

~

 

_“So where are we going?” Minho asks once they’re in the car and have been driving for a while. There are only a few other cars around and the further they drive the less they become._

 

_“The beach!”_

 

_Minho glances at the time on the radio and sees it’s almost 4 now. He isn’t sure if Taehyun is aware that this isn’t ideally the time (nor season) to visit to a place like that._

 

_“And what do we plan to do there?”_

 

_Taehyun looks at Minho briefly and rolls his eyes. “Have a picnic.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing which only confuses Minho more._

 

_“At...night?”_

 

_“Night picnics are different—”_

 

_“Pretty sure whoever came up with that didn’t mean to have one at 4 in the morning.”_

 

_“You of all people always talk about how time is just a concept,” Taehyun argues and lowers his hand. Minho grunts at the pinch he feels on his thigh but let’s Taehyun proceed. “Anyways, night picnics are different, more intimate, and I think we should have one right now and then see the sunrise.”_

 

_The twinkle in Taehyun’s eyes is enough for Minho to not question him further and instead takes the hand that hasn’t left his thigh and covers it with his own, not missing the way Taehyun bites his lip with a smile._

 

~

 

_When they finally arrive and park in a discreet location, Taehyun tells Minho to grab the bag that contains the spare coats and blankets in the backseat while he gets his backpack from the trunk._

 

_“Where are we going exactly?” Minho asks as he stares at and appreciates all the openness provided by the beach. It was still dark, but the stars and moonlight illuminated the place in a way that the city lights could never do justice to._

 

_“There’s this spot, it’s a little bit of a walk and climb, but the view is breathtaking.”_

 

_Minho hums in acknowledgement and leans against the car with the bag. Taehyun closes the trunk and places his backpack on top, pulling out a flashlight and a couple of heat packs from it and handing some to Minho._

 

_“You really came prepared, huh?” Minho muses as he tucks them into his coat pocket._

 

_“Did you think I just randomly decided to do this?” Taehyun scoffs, zipping his backpack up and securing it on his shoulder before turning the flashlight on._

 

_Minho pretends to think about it but loses his composure when Taehyun pushes at his shoulder affectionately and cracks a smile._   _Taehyun goes to say something about him being an ass when Minho takes his free hand and stuffs it into his pocket._

_Taehyun sees the pleased look on his boyfriend’s face and pretends to be unaffected by his action even if he can feel the warmth seeping from their joined hands more than the heat pack itself._

 

_Once they disembark, Taehyun momentarily wonders if he had told Minho to wear comfortable shoes, a quick glance thankfully confirms he did. Despite that however, walking through the sand proved to be quite hard, and it became even harder when they started climbing up a path that lead uphill._

 

_“We’re almost there,” Taehyun tells Minho, smiling when he hears a sigh of relief. He knows his boyfriend too well._

 

_They keep walking for a little while until Taehyun stops them. The entire beach could be seen from their vantage point, with the ocean in the distance._

 

_“That’s where we came from,” Taehyun tells Minho, pointing to the pinprick that was the empty roadway they drove on. “And,” he squints, scanning the beachfront with his flashlights. “There! See that smooth, big boulder on the beach? By those sand dunes?”_

 

_Minho leans closer, following the line of Taehyun’s arm to where he’s pointing and smiles. “That’s the spot you were talking about?”_

 

_“Yeah,” Taehyun nods and tugs their entwined hands. “C’mon!” They make their way down with quicker steps fueled by Taehyun’s eagerness but careful not to trip and hurt themselves._

 

_When they reach the boulder it’s a lot bigger than Minho expected and they have to let go of their hands to climb it properly. Taehyun manages easily and places the backpack down to help take the other bag from Minho and then pull him up as well._

 

_While Taehyun went straight to taking out a few supplies, Minho spreads out the blankets and uses the extra coats as cushions to sit on. A while later when they’ve finally settled, Minho looks around, taking in the place. Taehyun was right about the view being breathtaking, he couldn’t wait to see the sun rising._

_Plopping himself down, Taehyun looks out at the ocean view in front of him, smiling softly as a content sigh slips out. The sky was lighter than when they first got there and it wouldn’t be long till the sun made its appearance and changed the whole scenery with it. Yet even now it was a pretty sight to look at._

_“So, was it worth it or not?” Taehyun asks him._

_Minho looks back to Taehyun, who closes his eyes as a gust of wind just so happens to breeze by and ruffles his hair. He watches with a small gleam in his eye, Taehyun is just too beautiful sometimes._

 

_“Definitely.” He moves to sit beside him and proceeds to wrap the thickest blanket around them, huddling closer to Taehyun for warmth. “But I wish I wasn’t freezing my ass off right now.”_

 

_Taehyun grins, satisfied and rests his head on Minho’s shoulder. His grin widening when Minho adjusts the blanket so it covers him more despite being the one to complain about the cold. It was a little chilly to be out here but Taehyun felt warm, the source of which brought on by the male currently cuddling him._

_They both silently watch as the sun begins to rise from the depths of the endless sea. The sky fading from its dark blue hues and instead be taken over by amber sunlight as the clouds tinge pink and dye the water in an orange-purple blend._

_Minho feels his breath catch as he watches the way the beach transformed right before his eyes. Smiling excitedly, he pulls Taehyun closer, his chin resting in the soft dark hair as they continue to let the scenery take them._

_While Minho is enraptured by the sight, Taehyun peers up at him with the fondest smile. Minho, sensing Taehyun’s stare, meets his gaze and closes the remaining distance between them. Placing his lips tenderly on Taehyun’s forehead, his lips linger there and feels more than hears Taehyun melt into the intimate embrace._

_As he slowly pulls back, Taehyun raises his head and presses their foreheads together, hand coming up to cup Minho’s jaw. Their faces so close that any small movement had their lips brushing against each other’s, and when Taehyun pushes forward Minho’s lips follow._

_“You don’t have to say it,” Taehyun tells him when they eventually break away, nuzzling the side of his neck._

_Minho still does. “I love you.” Closing in again but not for another kiss, instead to snuggle into the side of Taehyun._

_After some time, Taehyun grows a little hungry and detangles himself from the comfort of the blanket and Minho, ignoring Minho’s displeased noise and moves to grab the mini cooler bag he took out from his backpack earlier._

 

_“My mom used to take Donghyun and me up here a lot," Taehyun begins, opening a container of sliced fruit. He holds an orange slice out to Minho, who eats it off his fingers. "She liked to see the ocean, said it help clear her head. Whenever we came, I never saw other people up here. I thought it was her secret spot and she later told us that it was for family only."_

 

_Minho takes in the implication and feels his heart flutter, understanding now why Taehyun decided to bring him here._   _"So now it's our secret spot?"_

 

_"Well," Taehyun snorts lightly, "There still is my mom and Donghyun."_

 

_Minho shrugs and pops another orange slice in his mouth, "They don't count."_

_Taehyun is quiet for a moment before saying, “If you ever want to find me, this is the place. Our place.”_

 

_When Minho goes to kiss him this time, he tastes like oranges; sweet and sticky._

_This was the moment Minho knew he was Taehyun’s._

~

 

_On the ride back home, Minho’s thoughts wander as he drives. The trip to the beach felt so different from the many times he’s gone before with his boyfriend. More intimate, yes. But maybe it was Taehyun’s words, and the meaning behind why he took them there, that touched Minho so much._

_Some stirring from the passenger side draws his attention and he glances to where a sleepy Taehyun wrapped in a blanket is slowly opening his eyes. The warm purple-pink and orange color combination of the sky reflecting beautifully off of him._

_Minho smiles and he reaches over to brush some hair out of Taehyun’s face, not expecting for Taehyun to take his hand and kiss the back of it. Feeling warm and loved, his heart gets over the rapid beating and finds peace at the display of affection as he drives on._

 

☼☼☼

 

Taehyun’s feet have stopped at the exact place and he takes a moment to close his eyes and inhale deeply, the salty smell of the sea reminding him of his childhood and the many trips he made out here with his family. He hopes they’re doing well.

 

When he opens his eyes again, he wipes at the stray tear that falls and looks up at the boulder only to come into the sight of Minho standing on it, staring out at the darkened sky.

 

He finds it a little ironic now how when he first arrived here, this was the place that greeted him and for however long he waited while he still had his memories, he’d always come up here and simply wait for Minho.

 

Now Minho was the one waiting for Taehyun.

 

Feeling eyes on him, Minho turns in his direction and their gazes lock. The recognition clear in both their eyes now that they know who they are and what they mean to each other.

 

Without saying anything, Minho comes closer to the edge and offers his hand out to Taehyun, who takes it naturally, and helps him on top of the smooth boulder rock. It feels cool underneath his fingertips as they sit down and helps soothe his nerves down a bit as the wind picks up.

 

It’s after Taehyun exhales that Minho breaks the silence. “I love that memory. That night I felt like I knew exactly where I was, and that was being in love and loved by you.”

 

Understanding what Minho is referring to, he lets out an unsteady breath and wraps his arms around himself. “When my memories were erasing, I told myself, please just let me keep this one memory. This one piece of you I never want to forget.” Minho looks at him but Taehyun continues to face forward. “I was so scared and alone, I felt like I was disappearing myself.”

 

There was a pause and then Taehyun finally turns to look at Minho. “I’ve waited a long time for you.” His voice falters slightly, throat tightening but he manages to push through. “I… We’re soulmates.” It’s not a question but Minho still nods. “I feel that too. Even with every life and person we have been, I know that you’re the only one that makes sense, that I’ll ever love and be in love with.”

 

Minho feels himself be consumed with emotion at Taehyun’s admission as he stares at this person beside him and knows Taehyun is right, they have been together across a span of lifetimes and have loved each other in every single one of them.

 

He doesn’t even notice he’s crying so hard until he feels himself be enveloped in Taehyun’s arms, burying his head at the base of Taehyun’s neck and letting his tears fall. Taehyun does the same to Minho, embracing him tightly as his body shudders with every little cry that escapes his lips. 

 

They stayed quiet and still for a long time, holding each other and filling in all the spaces that had been left lonely and wanting. The only noises heard were the sounds of their sniffling and the waves crashing against the shore.

 

When they eventually calmed, Minho pats Taehyun’s wet cheeks dry with the sleeve of his shirt despite being the bigger crier from them. “Hey, shhh.” Grazing his lips against Taehyun’s forehead soothingly as he pulls him closer to his chest. “The both of us are not going anywhere, it’s okay now.”

 

“I missed you so much.” Taehyun whispers, voice cracking as he sniffles again.

 

Minho’s face softens and he closes his eyes as he leans against Taehyun. “Yeah? I missed you like crazy too.” He breathes out.

 

Still clinging tightly, Minho runs the pads of his fingers comfortingly over Taehyun’s face. Taehyun leans into the touch, curving his neck so he could press a soft kiss at the center of Minho’s palm.

 

Minho smiles at the tender action. “Seunghoon told me that your memories had gotten erased.” His thumb brushes along Taehyun’s lips softly. “But you remember now.”

 

“Mhm. They came to me when I ran away.”

 

“What?” Minho moves to pull back but Taehyun tightens his arms around him.

 

“I haven’t spoken to Seunghoon, instead Jinwoo wanted to help but the memories hit me all at once and it had been too much…so I ran.” Taehyun explains, raising his head up and resting his head on Minho’s shoulder. “It was just a lot to take in. Finding out about everything…and this whole place.” He releases a breath, “That’s a lot to handle.”

 

Minho snorts in what is probably supposed to be a chuckle. “No kidding. I bet that’s why they save all this for the end. At least then we have all the time in the world to process it.”

 

“I…honestly believed that y’know, there was a possibility of an afterlife but I also kind of accepted the idea of just being gone. Like you live the life you are given and that’s it.”

 

Minho hums in thought. “Maybe. I somehow find it comforting though. Knowing that there is somewhere we can all go, wherever that may be. That it’s not just nothing at the end, and that we’re able to go back and start a new life.” He pauses to push back some of Taehyun’s hair so he can look at him properly. “Because it can end so abruptly, or we’re given a fucked-up fate.”

 

“Maybe we all really are made of stardust, constantly being reborn.” Taehyun says bemusedly, peering up at all the stars above them.

 

“I like that concept.” Minho agrees with a boyish grin and remembers a time they came here at night to stargaze.

 

☼

 

_They had come to the beach at a reasonable time at night where the stars were already settled in the sky, shining brightly against the black abyss, and lay comfortingly under layers of blankets and two sleeping bags. Their focus tonight wasn’t on seeing the sunrise and instead concentrating on the stars above them._

 

_“Do you know if there are any star constellations?” Taehyun nudges Minho. Recalling he held a big interest in space-related things and would often wake up to find his boyfriend looking up random facts on his phone when he had trouble sleeping._

_Minho hums and shuffles beside him, tilting his head and trying to make out what he can from the darken sky. “Oh, see that one there?” He points out to one. “That’s Cassiopeia.”_

_Taehyun squints his eyes, not sure where Minho is pointing to exactly. “Where?”_

_“Right there,” He takes Taehyun’s hand and begins to connect five stars. “It has a ‘W’ shape, see how it kind stretches off in the last part? That’s how you know it’s Cassiopeia.”_

_“Oh yeah…” Taehyun trails off distractedly, looking at the other stars around before pointing randomly and turning to Minho, “What about that one?”_

_“Which one?”_

_“The one that looks like it’s spelling out_ bullshit _.”_

_Minho stops searching and instead looks down at Taehyun, unable to hide his smile. “Okay you got me.”_

_“Thought you almost had me fooled, huh?” Taehyun says, looking smugly at him._

_“A little, yeah.” He laughs and laces their hands together.  “What gave me away?”_

_“It took you less than 10 seconds to find it? I don’t buy it.”_

_“Well, we actually could find it if we tried.”_

_“Really?” Taehyun questions curiously._

_“Yeah, it’s one of the most easily recognizable constellations you can find.” Minho admits, rolling to his side and smiling at Taehyun cheekily._

_Taehyun snorts amusingly. “Is that why you chose it?”_

_“That, and because I like the shape and name.” Minho says, a bit of pink coloring his cheeks as he suppresses an embarrassed grin._

_“It is a good name.” Taehyun chuckles in agreement._

_They turn to face each other, both leaning in at the same time for a kiss._

☼☼☼

 

“Can I tell you something?” 

 

Taehyun’s gaze leaves the stars to look back at Minho, he nods a little confused by the random question but what Minho says next makes Taehyun’s heart catch in his throat.

 

“I remembered this place when I was alive.”

 

“W-What?” Taehyun stutters out, feeling his breathing start to quicken.

 

“Not all of it entirely, it almost felt like a fuzzy dream. The one you wake from and are a little unsure if what happened was real or not.” Minho says while caressing Taehyun’s back, a habit he often did to help settle his boyfriend when he started to get worked up.   

 

“What did you remember exactly? How?” He eventually asks, throat bobbing.

 

Minho took a breath and then spoke. “The beach, near where all the beach houses are located. Where we first met. I found an old sketch tucked away in one of my journals.”

 

☼

 

_A couple of weeks after settling into his new place, Minho is rummaging around in one of the last moving boxes he set aside at the time when he discovers a journal tucked away at the bottom._

_Curious, he takes a hold of it and notices it’s a little worn, maybe it was an old one he forgot to put with the others. Opening it up, he frowns as he checks the last date being almost 15 years ago and can see a few pages have been ripped out. That was hardly like him to do something like that and wonders what could have been the reason._

_Reading with what was available, he sees that he was heading to the beach with a group of his old college friends and chuckles at his younger self being glad to be out of math hell._

_He jumps when Jhonny suddenly hops onto the couch next to him and accidentally drops the journal to the floor. As he goes to pick it up, Minho notices a slip of folded paper popping out from the sleeve of the journal. Pulling the rest of it out, he unfolds the paper and examines the content._

_It’s a design of a house with notes._

_Minho snorts and flips it over, expecting to find another design but instead is surprised to see it’s a sketch of a beach with a home nearby and a little doodle of a person. The only features are a pair of slanted eyebrows and parted hair._

_Wait, no. At the corner, near the bottom of the page he sees a pair of feet drawn and it draws a small laugh out of him._

_‘What a strange drawing,’ Minho thinks, feeling his interest peak as he tries to remember why he drew something like that. Maybe someone had caught his eye that day._

~

At the time, Minho simply presumed the drawing held no significant meaning and that he simply tucked it away unintentionally into that journal.

 

Now, however, he can fill in the forgotten pieces of where the sketch came from and the meaning behind it.

 

~

_A plop to the floor brings Minho’s attention from the coffee pot he’s been staring at._

_He sees that his notebook was dropped to the kitchen floor. The culprit being his boyfriend’s oldest cat, a Russian Blue named Barley. He scolds the cat and chases him away before he actually messes with the work Minho has on the table._

_As the smell of coffee beans fills the air, Minho picks the journal up and flips to the last page he had been writing in as he sits back in his seat. He rereads what he wrote before getting back on track and continuing. The fingers of his other hand tapping along to a beat on the wooden table top as he silently wrote._

_When he was satisfied with what he wrote, he closes his notebook and gets up to pour himself a cup of coffee, black, just the way he likes it. Returning to his seat, he opens his sketchbook up and skims through a couple of his designs, stopping when he sees a sketch of Taehyun he drew at the beach._

_He grabs a pen and starts to add little details for the fun of it, only stopping when he feels a nose press into his hair and arms go around his shoulders._

_“Good morning,” Taehyun sleepily mumbles out, voice muffled by Minho’s hair slightly._

_“Morning,” Minho replies, craning his neck to capture Taehyun’s lips in a brief kiss. Taehyun lingers for a moment before moving to the seat next to him._

_While Minho continues to doodle, Taehyun rests his head on the table and stretches one arm out, close enough to touch Minho but not get in his way. He wiggles his fingers near Minho’s hand to get his attention after watching him for a moment. “What are you working on?”_

_Minho shrugs and slides the drawing over for Taehyun to look at. Taehyun sits up properly and laughs at Minho’s rendition of himself with only his most obvious features._

_“You forgot to add yourself.” He comments and takes the pen out of Minho’s hand and uses his other arm to cover what he’s adding on._

_When he’s done he slides it back to Minho, who raises a brow as he scans through and doesn’t notice anything different. “I’m not in here?”_

_Taehyun’s lips quirk to the side amusingly. “You are!_ Look _.” Tapping the bottom of the page for Minho to see._

_When Minho finally sees the pair of poorly drawn feet he shakes his head with a laugh. “Nailed it. Looks just like mine.”_

_“Yeah?” Taehyun balances his hand under his chin and smiles over at Minho. “I thought so as well.”_

☼☼☼

 

Minho smiles at the memory. “They had you erased but somehow a part of you still managed to remain and brought me back here. I had no idea why, but I knew in my heart this place held a lot of meaning to me.” He then lowers his head with a sigh, smile saddening a bit. “I wished my family hadn’t done that to me, to  _us_. Like, even if there are memories that pained me, or ones I’d rather forget, I would still prefer to live with them all.”

 

“I know I sunk down to a bad spot, being without you was so unbearable I really didn’t think I could make it.” Minho takes Taehyun’s hand in his, tracing his palm with the tips of his fingers as he talked, feeling Taehyun’s eyes on him the whole time. “And they did what they thought was best, which I will always be grateful for, but I want to believe there’s no such thing as a memory worth having erased… Especially if that person is  _you_.”

 

“I lived in a different city so I had to take a train just to come out here and visit. Each time I came, I’d walk around, stare at the ocean, dip my toes in the water, and just sit on the sand. Kind of sounds boring but I don’t think there was ever a moment in my life outside of when I visited here that I felt so content and connect to.”

 

Taehyun feels his curiosity drawn about what Minho’s life consisted of after him but knows right now he isn’t emotionally ready to cross that bridge yet to ask Minho.

 

“I didn’t bother reading the rest.” Minho confesses then.

 

“What? Why not?” He questions. “What if there’s things,  _important things_ —"

 

Minho turns to him and shrugs, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “I don’t want to remember anything without you, and I’m fine only knowing about us.” Taehyun is rendered speechless and Minho takes his silence to continue. “Even now just sitting here with you makes me feel so at peace, I can’t even describe it. I’m just…happy.”

 

At hearing that, Taehyun feels like his whole being is healed. He wants to kiss Minho senseless, wants to smile and laugh with him, wants to break down and cry in his arm (again), wants everything to do with Minho.

 

Seeming to feel the same way, Minho leans closer then and Taehyun automatically closes his eyes, waiting for the other’s lips to press onto his, his heart beating violently against his chest.

 

Kissing Minho again feels just as good as he had remembered it, the softness of the other’s lips engulfing him in a sweet sensation. Minho’s hands found their way to Taehyun’s waist, pulling him closer and holding him tight. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Minho says as he peppers kisses all over Taehyun’s face.

 

Taehyun in turn laughs even as tears slip out, accepting all of Minho’s declarations of love until he grabs him by the chin and tells him he loves him as well and seals their lips; the kiss this time slow, loving and passionate.   

 

Ending their soft kiss, Minho looks deeply into Taehyun’s glistening eyes and gives him warm smile before kissing the tip of his nose. “Do you want to go on a walk?”

 

Taehyun gives Minho a confused look. “Where would we go?”

 

Minho shrugs in answer as he stands up, pulling Taehyun up with him. “Let’s just see what we find.”

 

As they make their way down the boulder and begin to walk, Minho shyly reaches for Taehyun’s hand. Taehyun glances at him but Minho is walking straight ahead, not wanting to meet his gaze. He shakes his head with a silent laugh and twines their hands together, hearing Minho let out a sigh of relief.

 

They pass by a string of beach houses until one house in particular has both of them stopping. Their thoughts seeming to come to the same conclusion.

 

☼

 

_Minho and Taehyun find themselves having another night at the beach, but this time they are not in their usual spot and instead are walking along the wooden walkway that leads to the residential beach houses._

_The couple keep their distance and simply admire the homes, Minho making comments about the structure or design while Taehyun listens and says which he likes or doesn’t._

_They only stop walking when Taehyun tugs at Minho’s hand, attention focused on a house a little way off from them. A slate blue two story outlined in white like most beach houses are designed but because it’s not directly in line with the other houses, it has its own stairway that leads down to the beach and gives off a sense of privacy._

_Minho whistles in appreciation, also finding the house to be a beauty with the wooden details he can see and how the front deck connects to the stairway. “That is a nice home.” He comments._

_“Yeah.” Taehyun agrees and then after a beat says, “Let’s go check it out.” He quickens his steps and begins to climb over the railing once he reaches it._

_Caught off guard, Minho panics and chases after Taehyun, pulling the back of his jeans to stop him from crossing over. “Taehyun, what are you doing? People live there!”_

_“Would you be quiet? Other people will hear you!” Taehyun shushes him and slaps at his hands, twisting his body around and clamping his hand around Minho’s mouth. “The people who live here aren’t home.”_

_“How do you know that? Do you know these people?” Minho questions once Taehyun removes his hand._

_“No, of course not.”_

_“Then why are you trying to enter their property?”_

_“Because we’re just gonna have a look around, pretend we’re thinking about moving into the neighborhood.” Taehyun tells him with a shrug._

_Minho stares at him baffled. “I love you, but we’re not—hey!” He gets shoved in the chest and Taehyun uses the distraction to turn around, jump over, and start running up the stairs. Looking around, Minho sees there isn’t anyone in sight and sighs before crossing over as well and chasing after his boyfriend._

_Taehyun is looking through the windows when Minho comes up behind him, the inside of the house completely dark with only the moonlight providing any source of light. Moving from the front of the house to the side, Taehyun chooses a window randomly and tests to see if it’ll lift. When it does, he raises it up and climbs inside._

_Minho watches stunned as his boyfriend disappears into the house. “Taehyun!” He keeps his voice down and curses as he sees Taehyun through the windows as he takes out his phone and sets it on the flashlight mode._

_Taehyun walks up to the window and tells Minho to wait as he lowers it back down. He then leads Minho through the windows to the front door where he unlocks and opens it with a smile, shinning the light on his face playfully. “C’mon, there’s no danger.” He assures him._

_Minho scoffs, giving their surroundings one more glance around before grinning back at Taehyun. “I can’t believe I’m about to break into someone’s home.”_

_“It’s our home, just for tonight.” Taehyun corrects him and offers his hand for Minho to take._

_“Ah, you’re right.” Minho agrees with a nod and links their fingers as he steps in, closing the door behind him._

_Both use the flashlights on their phones to look around, the place definitely looked like it was owned by an older couple based on the interior but was wide and spacey which appealed to them._

~

 

_“God, I hated our first apartment.” Taehyun says as they make their way upstairs._

_“You did?”_

_Taehyun looks back with a small shoulder shake. “I mean it had its charm, but as first apartments go…”_

_“It was shitty.” Minho finishes for him, earning a chuckle from Taehyun in agreement as he climbs the last step._

_“The worst! The neighbor would always play their crappy music loudly in the morning. Drove me crazy.” Taehyun hmphed, entering what he assumes is the master bedroom. “But what do you expect from college students on a budget.”_

_Just like the house in general, the master bedroom was spacious and had one door to the left that led to a bathroom and another to a walk-in closet. Taehyun opts to check the closet out while Minho sits down at the foot of the bed._

_A few minutes of rummaging around and Taehyun lets out a loud gasp. Minho stands to check what happened but Taehyun comes out wearing a long, messy blonde wig._

_“Okay, whoever lives here are officially my favorite. They have a wig collection.”_

_Minho laughs silently as Taehyun moves to the full-length mirror to adjust the wig better. “And you’re going to try them on?”_

_“I’m going to try them on.” Taehyun parrots and turns back to face Minho, giving him a flirty wink._

_Taehyun proceeds to do just that, coming out in a variety of different wigs much to Minho’s amusement and posing for him in ridiculous and exaggerated manners till he’s had his fill._

_Making his way to the bed, Minho opens his arms for Taehyun, who gladly accepted the offer. They tangle themselves together, Taehyun burying his face in Minho’s chest and Minho bending his neck to nestle his nose in Taehyun’s hair._

_After some moments, Taehyun spoke up. “I guess we should head back, huh?”_

_“Yeah,” Minho answers. “It’s been fun trying out this not so typical break in but I’d like to not make the local news.”_

_Taehyun chuckles and leans forward to press his lips to Minho’s. “One day we’ll live in a place like this and have a dog or two.” He says, already envisioning a scene of him and Minho walking down the beach with a big Labrador._

 

☼☼☼

 

“We never did get to own one of these beach houses.” Taehyun says wistfully. “That would have been the best.”

 

Minho looks at Taehyun and frowns. “Who says we can’t have that now?” He takes a step forward, Taehyun being dragged along, and reaches for the door handle.

 

The hinges screech loudly as Minho pulls the door back and Taehyun closes his eyes instinctively by the high-pitch noise. Minho murmurs an apology and when Taehyun opened his eyes again he felt himself go breathless.

 

Instead of expecting to see the home of the previous owner, they are shocked at the place looking like a mix of their old home but somehow able to fill up the large house with the qualities they had liked from the original home. 

 

“This is…”

 

“Home.” Taehyun breathes out in amazement. “It’s home.”

 

Looking back at Taehyun, Minho couldn’t agree more and grins.

 

The couple step inside and check the whole place out. Discovering some places, like the kitchen and laundry room, held the last items they remembered prior to Taehyun’s death. Such as all the foods in the pantries and fridge or clothes that needed to be washed and folded. And while none of the clocks worked, things like the TV, game consoles, any other devices/appliances seemingly worked fine.

 

Grabbing Minho’s hand, Taehyun leads them upstairs and into their now larger bedroom. It too looked exactly the same; bed sheets rumpled from the morning of, Taehyun’s aroma candles on the bedside table next to a frame that held 4 photo booth strips in it.

 

A big dresser with a mirror facing opposite the bed was covered in more of their stuff like their jewelry and camera collection, with polaroid pictures of them, their friends, and family hanged up on the mirror that make Minho’s heart glow.

 

While Taehyun looked through the drawers of the dresser, Minho goes to pick up the frame from the bedside table and smiles. Each strip was different, two with solo shots of themselves and the other two of them doing goofy and loving poses together.

 

Minho feels his lips twitch and looks over to Taehyun. “Do you remember that time I wanted to dye my hair green so we went to buy bleach and all that other stuff but we got the wrong tint and I ended up with some kind pastel green instead?”

 

The memory starts to come to Taehyun and he lets out a chuckle as he nods his head. “Yeah, and you couldn’t dye it back because we had to let your scalp rest from the bleaching for a few days so you had to go to work looking like that.”

 

They see themselves laughing in the bathtub as Taehyun consoles Minho, who has his head buried between his knees, a strange but nice shade of green sticking out so boldly and making the whole scene even funnier.

 

“And then I ended up just sticking with it and letting it fade until it was light enough to make it blonde.”

 

“But you really liked and missed the bright color so you went and dyed it some gaudy yellow.” Taehyun follows up, his face showing his distaste.

 

“You liked my lemon head!” Minho defends.

 

“For like a week and then I realized what I was going to have to deal with when we went out in public.”

 

Minho makes his way over to Taehyun and slings his arm over his shoulder and kissing his cheek noisily. “I’m sorry we all can’t look as good as you.”

 

Taehyun pretends to be annoyed but lowers Minho’s arm to place on his waist with a grin. “I didn’t say you looked bad, you still managed to pull off whatever color you did when we were younger.”

 

“Well,” Minho turns them so they face the mirror, being reminded of their newfound youth. “We are a pair of handsome young men again.”

 

“I guess that’s true.” Taehyun says after a moment, knowing what Minho said just now really applies to him more so than Taehyun.

 

Minho picks up on the implication and silently leads them away from the mirror and to the bed. Taehyun is thankful but feels like he ruined the little reminiscing moment they were having just now.

 

They lay together quietly for some time, Taehyun taking comfort in Minho’s arms and warmth as the other played thoughtlessly with his hair. He slowly feels himself falling asleep by the soothing action when Minho speaks up.

 

“Can I ask something of you?”

 

Taehyun nods with a hum, focused more on the feeling of Minho’s hands gently gliding through his hair. Seeing that Taehyun is distracted, Minho untangles his hand from Taehyun’s hair.

 

“We need to stop being sad.” Minho says and that seems to work on getting Taehyun’s attention.

 

Furrowing his brows, Taehyun pushes himself up a little so he’s facing upward at Minho. “What do you mean?”

 

Minho sighs. “I’m saying we shouldn’t be happy and reminiscing about our past one moment and then feeling sad and guilty the next. We’re dead, that’s obvious. But we’re also young again and it’s just... Taehyun, we weren’t sad when we were this young. We were together and happy and I don’t think we should let what happened to us overcloud that fact.”

 

Taehyun bit down on his lip, lowering his head. “I don’t think you can stop being sad just because you want to, it doesn’t work that way.”

 

“I don’t mean it like that,” Minho says softly, drawing Taehyun’s eyes back on him. “I just want us to eventually move forward from the pain and sadness. I know there is a huge gap between the lives that we’ve lived but I want to be with you.” As Minho continues, he looks fondly at Taehyun. “And I’d be perfectly happy just staying by your side because I know I’m exactly where I want to be. So can we at least try? Please.”

 

Despite the tears that are falling Taehyun can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face as he looks at Minho with so much love. “I’d be happy if you were with me too.”

 

Minho grins back at Taehyun and kisses him on the forehead, then his cheek, and another on the bridge of his nose, and at his chin and jawline. Making sure to miss Taehyun’s lips on purpose.

 

Taehyun makes a noise of complaint and Minho laughs in the space between them before gathering him in his arms and kissing him properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one chapter to go!


End file.
